Why am I so insecure?

You’ve got a job interview, but you’re not sure you have the skills. You just entered a new relationship and you’re doubting that this person actually likes you – or you’re in a long-term relationship and feel the same way. You exercise and eat right, but still feel insecure about your body. Why?

Feeling insecure is natural. No one feels totally confident all the time. But if you’re constantly wondering, “Why am I so insecure?,” it may be time to examine the deep-seated beliefs and daily habits that brought you to this point. 

Why am I so insecure?

There are many different types of insecurities, but they all stem from one place: your limiting beliefs. 

Limiting beliefs are the stories we tell ourselves about who we really are. While we may project an image of confidence and security, we often harbor thoughts that we are unlovable, awkward, ugly or any number of other negative beliefs. Because our beliefs create our world, the more we tell ourselves these stories, the more true they become. They hold us back from achieving our true potential and keep us in a holding pattern of feeling insecure, avoiding risks and failure and then feeling even more insecure. 

Limiting beliefs themselves are often formed in childhood, although they can also be affected by impactful events that happen later in life. If you craved the love of a caretaker and didn’t receive it or had to act a certain way to earn love, you carry those beliefs into adulthood. Realizing this allows you to examine your limiting beliefs, understand why you make the decisions you make and begin to change your story for the better.

Types of insecurities

Insecurity can affect every area of our lives – and most insecure people feel this way in more than one area. The most common types of insecurities are:

Insecurity can seem like it’s everywhere, but the good news is that many people have dealt with it before you. Successful people from Ryan Reynolds to Beyoncé have admitted to insecurities – and they likely had to overcome their own bad habits in order to build confidence.

4 signs you’re feeling insecure

You may wonder, “Why do I feel so insecure?” yet continue to engage in habits that are signs of your insecurity. Your habits can make you great, or they can leave you feeling insecure. To overcome insecurity, it’s essential to recognize these habits so that you can begin to challenge them. 

1. Negative self-talk

The answer to “Why am I so insecure?” is often that you are constantly telling yourself all the reasons you need to feel inadequate. This negative self-talk becomes your reality – and you may not even realize it. You must make the choice to recognize your self-talk and change your words to change your life. 

2. Criticizing others

Insecure people don’t just criticize themselves. They often criticize others as a way to mask their own insecurities. If you’re insecure, you may be controlling in relationships, put your coworkers down in order to build up your own accomplishments and even criticize your friends. This is no way to build lasting and healthy relationships. 

3. Perfectionism

On the surface, perfectionism can seem like a positive trait. Yet it often stems from anxiety we feel when we aren’t perfect. As Tony says, “if you’re trying to be perfect, you know you can’t be. So what you really have is a standard you can never achieve.” It’s time to stop feeling insecure when you aren’t perfect. 

4. Attention-seeking

Everyone wants to feel significant. The desire to feel important and special is one of the Six Human Needs, the deepest needs we must meet in order to feel fulfilled. Asking for constant reassurance that you are loved and beautiful or that you’re making the right decisions is a habit that contributes to insecurity. 

If you recognize these traits in yourself, you have your answer to “Why do I feel so insecure?” Now it’s time to do something about it.