What stops us from moving forward? Fear. If you’re an achiever you probably call it stress. Stress is fear. We all experience fear in some context during our lives: fear of rejection, fear of failure, fear of success, fear of love, fear of being alone or fear of the unknown. In fact, it’s hard-wired in all human beings – nothing we do in our lifetime will take fear away.
Fear can keep us from taking unhealthy risks, like jumping off buildings. It can also keep us from achieving personal growth, taking that new job, going on that blind date and starting our dream business. Left to run wild, fear ruins your life. It keeps you in your comfort zone – and in that zone, you’ll never become the person you are truly meant to be.
Five signs fear is ruining your life
If you’re already thinking, “Fear is ruining my life,” you’ve likely noticed some concerning signs or habits that you’d like to address. Common signs of fear ruining your life include:
1. Perfectionism.
Fear ruins your life in subtle ways when it comes to perfectionism: You may reject potential partners because they’re not perfect, when the truth is you’re afraid of intimacy. You may never complete tasks if they’re not perfect, when in reality you’re afraid of what comes next – and even afraid of success.
2. Procrastination.
You may procrastinate going after your dreams because you’re too busy. You may procrastinate making tough decisions because you’re afraid of the outcome. Remember that being busy isn’t the same as being productive – and procrastinating is a sign there’s something else going on.
3. Giving up easily.
Do you automatically say “no” to invitations that may put you outside your comfort zone? Do you refuse to learn new skills? Do you give up easily? Fear ruins your life when it prevents you from achieving growth – one of our most powerful human needs.
4. People pleasing.
On the other hand, constantly saying “yes” to everyone isn’t healthy either. If you’re a people pleaser, it’s likely a fear of being abandoned or unloved that’s driving your decisions.
5. Unhealthy habits.
Drug and alcohol use, overeating and even overworking are compulsions that come from a place of deep-seated fear. The unhealthy habits numb us to the pain we feel when we think, “Fear is ruining my life,” but feel powerless to do anything about it.
How to stop letting fear ruin your life
So, what’s the best way to deal with fear? You must learn to dance with it. In the video below, Tony reveals his top two tips for what to do when fear ruins your life.
Turn fear on itself
You must commit to using fear before it uses you. Instead of being afraid of what might happen if you do something you’re afraid of, you must be more afraid of what you will miss out on when you don’t do that thing. What’s the price when you stay in your comfort zone? What’s the price if you don’t chase your dreams? What incredible gifts of life will you miss out on: connection, growth, joy and everything that makes life worth living?
Use the rocking chair test
If you’re having trouble getting past the thought “Fear is ruining my life,” and transforming your mindset, imagine yourself when you’re old and gray. You’re sitting in your rocking chair on your porch and reflecting on your life. When you look back, what makes you most proud? What are your biggest regrets? What do you wish you had done? What would have brought you endless happiness and fulfillment in life? Then take massive action to make those things a reality. That’s how you turn shoulds into musts and overcome fear once and for all.