The #1 law of attraction: Polarity

What you will learn from reading this article:

  • The difference between masculine and feminine energy (and how the two don’t necessarily correspond to physical gender)
  • The #1 law of attraction – polarity between these two energies
  • Understand the “masks” or “walls” put up during a relationship and how to strip them away
  • Discover your own leading energy and how it manifests itself in your own relationship

Is there a single law of attraction? Sexual attraction, spiritual ecstasy and intimate connection thrive in a relationship when there is a distinct polarity between the energies of both partners.

In other words, the main law of attraction works like this: the more opposed the sexual energies between two people are – masculine vs. feminine energy – the stronger the attraction will be in the relationship.

If two people have a similar polarity, that is, both are more ‘masculine,’ then the attraction between them will be diminished. But if there is a strong difference, where one is extremely ‘feminine’ and the other ‘masculine,’ then the physical attraction will be maximized.

To not only keep the passion in your relationship alive, but to increase the intimacy and attraction, it is vital that each person in the relationship cultivate their own natural energy, male or female. And this can be done by understanding three main components.

What is sexual polarity?

Sexual polarity is the term used for the physical chemistry, the magnetic pull, and the overwhelming physical response we feel when we meet someone with an energy that opposes our own.

Who are you at your core?

Masculine and feminine energies are not based on gender. Any person, male or female, can embody either energy. What’s most important for understanding the law of attraction is to know what your true nature is and how it manifests.

Strip away the mask

The fear that we are not enough and the fear that we will not be loved are intensely powerful. And they can impact us in a way that we will consistently use an energy that is not our core essence. In short, they cause us to wear a “mask.”

For a woman with a feminine core, a mask is created by the following events:

For a woman with a feminine core, a mask is created by the following events:

Stage 1: A little girl is born with a feminine essence.

Stage 2: A little girl learns to create a masculine mask in childhood. This happens when either her mother teaches her never to become dependent on a man, or her father dominates and wants to make her stronger.

Stage 3: A little girl learns to put a feminine mask over her masculine mask. This happens when a girl sees men attracted to other females who are truly feminine.

Stage 4: A woman learns to put on a strong masculine mask. This happens when a woman gets hurt.

law of attraction for female lifecycle depicting various masks


For a man with a masculine core, a mask is created by the following events:

Stage 1: A little boy is born with a masculine essence.

Stage 2: A little boy learns to create a feminine mask in childhood. This happens when he has a powerful father that dominates, or a mother who teaches that being masculine is bad and rewards pleasing behaviors.

Stage 3: A little boy learns to put a masculine mask over his feminine mask. This happens when a boy realizes that he is not attracting females.

Stage 4: A man learns to put on a strong feminine mask. This happens when a man has been hurt by women and learns to please them.

law of attraction for male lifecycle depicting mask types

It’s time to strip away the masks and embrace who you are at your core. You will not only be true to yourself, but you will be able to give your authentic self to your partner.


You don’t necessarily have to understand the other side, but to have a fulfilling sexual relationship that is sustainable, you must find a way to embrace it. If you do not, then you run the risk of depolarization.

Depolarization occurs when partners no longer have the play of masculine and feminine energies between them.

For example, if a woman questions a masculine man’s direction (whether because he is lost while driving or is flailing with his direction in life), it will create an instant collapse of the polarity. Similarly, if a feminine person is criticized for looking run down or worn out, this makes her feel less radiant and unloved, and she will start to shut down. As David Deida says, “Never tell a man with a masculine sexual essence that he is wrong, and never tell a woman with a feminine sexual essence that she is ugly.”

The woman feels too insecure to relax into her feminine, and the man is bent out of shape and loses his masculine backbone. Many couples spend years this way and get used to the loss of passion. However, attraction can shift in a matter of seconds — a woman could go from tight and controlling to free and radiant once her husband makes her feel appreciated, needed and loved.

The masculine man needs to learn to embrace the feminine force of life, no matter how wild and destructive it becomes. The feminine woman needs to not shrink when faced with the strong, powerful presence of her man. We must learn to trust the wisdom of the masculine and its ability to act clearly in spite of emotions and to embrace the wisdom of the feminine and its inherent intuition and focus on love. Understand these laws of attraction and you’re on your way to creating a relationship that truly thrives.

Want to spice up your love life?

Take Tony Robbins’ Gender Quotient quiz to discover your leading energy and better understand the polarity between masculine and feminine energies.