So many people today yearn for happiness, joy, and love — seemingly, to no avail.
We live in a world with so many choices, and resources, and freedoms, and so much technology, yet so many of us seem to live lives that are filled with MORE stress and LESS enjoyment than ever in history. Why is this? What are we missing?
There are, of course, many ways to try to answer this question, but having worked with more than 50 million people in 100 countries around the world, I can tell you people have patterns of perception. That is, in all the ways of looking at and labeling our experiences of other people, the events that occur in our lives — many cause people to feel frustrated and constricted with life.
Still, I have met a few amazing people over the years who consistently experience a life filled with abundance and purpose. They are those who lead meaningful lives, and they are truly, genuinely happy (and it’s rarely, if ever, because their lives are any easier than yours or mine).
The remarkable thing is, that no matter how blessed a life may be with health, wealth, family, close friends, opportunities to learn and grow, and a chance to give back, the number one pattern that denigrates, and, in some cases, completely destroys people’s lives, is expectations.
That’s it; that’s the catch. Expectations.
Expectations, stress and pain
If you really want to be stressed, all you have to do is expect life and all the people in it, to think, behave, speak, and act the way you have predetermined they ”should.” If you hang on to your expectations, I can guarantee you plenty of stress and pain.
Human beings all have different values, beliefs, fears, habits, and needs. That’s the reason why even the most kind and loving person you know can – in just a moment – be insensitive, mean-spirited or at least unconscious of the impact they’re having on someone else. So what if the only way you can be happy is for everyone to act or communicate every moment in ways that meet your ideal expectations? Then you best plan on a life of continuous disappointment and pain.
What’s the solution to being disappointed all the time? Trust that people do the best they can with the resources they have. When you experience someone doing something unconscious, it’s helpful to remember that it’s rarely ever about you, and almost always just that person feeling so much stress and pressure that they have literally activated their survival mode. People in survival mode can go blind in a moment. It happens to the very best of us. It’s part of being human. We can’t expect anyone to be perfect all the time.
