The key to any deep, passionate relationship is understanding how you participate. For so many of us, the focus is on what we are getting out of the relationship – and not on what we are giving. But when you put your partner’s needs before your own, and are truly present with each other, you experience love on an entirely different level. Watch how one couple at Date with Destiny has created their extraordinary relationship.
Learning how to be present in a relationship takes time, energy and a willingness to look inside yourself. What happened the last time you got into an argument with your partner? You probably wondered, “Why doesn’t he just understand?” or “Why isn’t she listening to me?” It is easy to think they are the one at fault, rather than you.
Being fully present in a relationship requires more than just sitting and listening to your spouse when they want something. It requires knowing that while there are two of you, the only person you can change is yourself. The changes you make in yourself will reflect in how you see your partner and how you understand them, and understanding is the first step to a stronger relationship. Stop telling yourself “It takes two” or “They have to meet me halfway.” Instead of focusing so much on your own needs, look at a situation through their eyes. Hone in on their needs – and put their needs before your own.
Next time you speak to your significant other, take stock of your situation. Are you really there? Are you really hearing them? Many of us hang on to prior disagreements, spats and differences – and we hang on to them for a long time. This detritus builds up, creating a steady negative force that leans on our relationships even during the good moments. And when your subconscious mind is so focused on the past, it becomes impossible to even think about the present, much less focus on being there.
When you let go of that emotional debris and commit to simply being in the moment with another person, and making their needs your own, you are freeing yourself to show up fully for them. Forget the past – what matters is the present moment and the future that is to come. Focus on understanding your partner. What they need from you right now – whatever it may be – is your immediate priority. Put aside everything else. Listen to them – and more importantly, understand them. Don’t just assume you are absorbing what they are saying; instead, ask clarifying questions. Share your feelings with one another. Take on their burdens and let them shoulder yours. Only when you are expressing yourself and communicating openly can you truly be present.
As you commit to this new mindset, you’ll build trust between yourself and your partner. As you make their needs your needs, they will make your needs their needs. This is how you pave a path to extraordinary passion.
Learning how to be more present in a relationship also means pushing aside other distractions. For example, technology has become a persistent third wheel in many relationships. We have trained ourselves to always have our phone, laptop or other electronic device close at hand. Can you really devote your full attention to your spouse when you’re itching to check your social media feed or wondering if your boss emailed you the latest update? Put the tech aside, even if it’s just for an hour a night. Treat other distractions similarly.
By changing your own limiting beliefs and habits, you will teach yourself how to be fully present in a relationship – and in life.
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