Ready to take the initiative & join our newsletter?

What do you know about pleasure?

Design a life of deep connection and intimacy

This piece was specially written for the Tony Robbins blog by world-renowned sex expert Jaiya Ma.

How many books have you read on business?  On personal growth? Chances are – many.

Now, how many books have your read on sex? Not as many? You’re not alone.

If you’ve ever read Napoleon Hill’s classic Think and Grow Rich, then you are familiar with the importance of your sexuality in awakening latent genius. Consciously understanding how to cultivate and utilize sexual energy is key to any type of success; when you are unconscious of how you’re using your sexual energy, it can end in a lot of unpleasant situations; not to mention that increasing your sexual awareness can lead to deeper connection and fulfillment in your romantic life.

So why haven’t you given yourself an education in sexuality?

Sure, many people have had plenty of formal sex education. But what did your culture teach you about sex and pleasure? About your identity and what you should or shouldn’t like or do? How great a job did your school do at teaching you what you like, or what others might like? What did your parents teach you (hint: even their silence taught you something)? What did romantic movies teach you? What did your religion teach you? Your peers?

See, you’ve had a sex education; but how much do you understand about your sexuality?


Great sex education doesn’t shame you; it doesn’t shame other people, either. It should help you to make great choices, to honor yourself and others, and to create the freedom to explore and experiment safely.

A great sex education leads to great sex, a better understanding of yourself and deeper connections. Because when you know your body, you can communicate what you like – and thus increase satisfaction. And when you know a partner’s body, you have more confidence that you can please them, which ultimately deepens the bond you share.

Also, when you understand who you are erotically, you avoid feeling broken and you know what will turn you on. When you have clear boundaries and can communicate them with a partner, you keep yourself safe emotionally and physically. When you don’t have shame, you are freer to be who you are: someone who is sexually gratified and gets deeper joy and pleasure out of life. And when you are enjoying sex at this level, you have richer, more satisfying relationships and connection, which equates to more success in this world.


Who you seek as a mentor is very important. There are a lot of great sexuality educators out there, and I’ve seen mentors who shame people or give poor advice.

A fantastic mentor can teach you not only the geeky educational materials but can also create transformation in your life. They can help you find your sexual style and understand what it takes to build a lasting, fulfilling bond with a partner. Make sure to do your research and to seek out the best.

Get a comprehensive education and be sure to implement what you learn. Information alone does not equal transformation in this area, you must take what you learn and put it into action.
Mastering any skill comes from learning and implementing distinctions, and this is especially true when it comes to your new sexual education. A great place to begin mastering distinctions about what turns you on is mastering the Erotic Blueprints™.


Understanding each Erotic Blueprint Types is like getting the secret decoder ring to becoming a sex life superhero and claiming your own satisfaction and fulfillment.

Here is a quick look at the 5 Erotic Blueprints Types:

Energetic:  Aroused by space, anticipation and tease. They are very sensitive and need time to assimilate to sexual touch; too much too fast turns them off.

Sensual:  Aroused by sensation: touch, sound, taste, smell, etc. They bring beauty, comfort and whole-body sensuality to a sexual encounter. Their biggest turn off is being stuck in their head and living in tension. A Sensual Type needs to be relaxed to open to sexual connection and turn-on.

Sexual:  Aroused by the simple act of intercourse. Sex is fun and they use sex to relax. However, they can get stuck in a limited view of sexuality and can be goal-oriented.

Kinky:  Aroused by the taboo. But they oftentimes have deep shame about their taboo desires.

Shapeshifter:  Aroused by all of the above. They are endlessly creative but need a partner who is also equally adventurous. Sometimes they shift to be what others want them to be instead of owning their own sexuality, needs and desires.

Empower yourself and discover how to feed, speak, heal and expand your own and your partner’s Erotic Blueprint. How will you use your new knowledge about the sexual blueprint types to create a deeper connection with yourself and your partner?

As Tony says, the first step to transformation is to “take massive action,” so go out there, get some great mentorship, get fully authentic with yourself and your partner and learn how to speak each other’s Erotic Blueprints! That’s the path to more passion, more desire and more intimacy in your relationship.

Header Image © Shutterstock/Kamil-Macniak


About the author
Internationally recognized, award-winning sexologist and best selling author (Red Hot Touch), Jaiya is the creator of the Erotic Blueprint Breakthrough™ and the Erotic Blueprint™ Quiz. Through over two decades of client observation and clinical research she discovered a map of arousal that reveals your specific erotic language of arousal, a revolutionary framework to create deeper connection and sexual satisfaction.

Team Tony

Team Tony cultivates, curates and shares Tony Robbins’ stories and core principles, to help others achieve an extraordinary life.

related posts
Love & Relationships

Has your trust been betrayed?

Read More
Love & Relationships

How to stay connected with your partner

Read More
Love & Relationships

Your decision, my decision, our decision

Read More

Get Tony Robbins' articles, podcasts and videos in your inbox, biweekly.