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Love is a choice, and the choice is yours
Dr. Cheryl Fraser on how to create an extraordinary relationship, with passion
When it comes to relationships, many people think that there’s some sort of finish line – and that once you finally find your person, you’ve somehow “made it.” But in reality, it’s just the beginning.
Relationships, like any area of your life, require attention, intention and mindfulness in order to thrive. And who doesn’t want a wildly passionate, intimate relationship in which we’re challenged, cherished and cheered on? When you actively engage yourself in your relationship and focus on becoming the best partner you can be, on giving all that you can to your partner, you’ll discover a love like you’ve never known.
In this episode, we’re talking to Dr. Cheryl Fraser. She’s a clinical psychologist, sex therapist, and Buddhist teacher – and has conducted extensive research on what causes relationships to succeed, or fail. She’ll teach you the 3 components that lead to life-long passion and a truly exceptional relationship – plus techniques that you can implement to become a more mindful lover.
[01:59] Episode introduction
[03:10] Falling in love is easy, staying in love takes mindfulness
[03:49] Exceptional couples cultivate passion
[04:21] The 3 keys to passion: Intimacy, Thrill, Sensuality
[04:35] Intimacy – the friendship aspect of a great love affair
[05:08] Thrill – the rush of an erotic attraction
[05:53] Sensuality – the entire spectrum of eroticism
[06:46] Exercise: evaluate where you are on the passion triangle
[07:08] What happens when you fall into Marriage, Inc.
[07:48] What happens when your triangle is unbalanced
[09:25] If your relationship is suffering, it’s up to you to change it
[10:08] It’s up to each of us to make our relationship great
[11:00] What it means to be an awakened lover
[11:36] The problem with “we’re not meant to be”
[12:08] Daily routine: Setting loving intentions
[14:18] A critical relationship skill: managing conflict
[15:03] How to start a difficult topic in a skillful way
[16:00] The example of forgetting to take out the trash
[16:50] Formula for success: I feel X about Y and I need Z
[18:00] Get up to 45% off a Date with Destiny ticket with promo code DWD45
[19:21] The art of the mindful apology
[19:55] The apology giver and receiver are both responsible
[21:10] The formula for giving an apology
[22:29] The formula for receiving an apology
[24:23] How to anchor an apology into action
[24:14] How mindfulness plays a part in the passion triangle
[26:08] Why thrill is most difficult for couples
[26:35] Thought experiment: Waking up next to your spouse
[27:38] Exercise: How to enjoy the moment
[28:17] Why affairs really happen
[28:50] If you’re bored, train your mind
[29:23] Example: The cocktail party conversation
[29:57] Exercise: How to focus on sensation
[30:54] Example: “He never compliments me”
[32:34] It’s up to you what you want to focus on
[33:00] Don’t change your mate, change your mind
[33:54] Approach your relationship like a hobby
[35:14] Great love begins and ends in the mind
[35:39] Love is a choice, and the choice is yours
If you would like to learn more about how to create love and passion that last a lifetime, check out Dr. Cheryl’s FREE Passion Masterclass – where you’ll learn how to re-ignite great love, romance, and sex so you can fall in love all over again – with the one you are with!