The Ultimate Relationship Guide
Imagine you’ve just bought a brand new car. It’s the car of your dreams, the one you’ve spent so many years dreaming of and wishing for, and you finally bought it! You leave it in the parking lot to go to work and when you get back, you find a SCRATCH. How do you react?
Maybe you’re jumping and screaming, pulling your hair out, absolutely enraged that someone had the audacity to scratch your car. You do some research and find that you can carefully buff out the scratch if you take the time and effort to do it. So you clean the surface where the scratch is, polish the area, then clean again with an expensive solvent to remove waxes and oils before painstakingly applying the paint.
A week or two passes by, and you leave the car parked in the grocery store lot while you go inside. You come out and what do you find? A DENT on your rear bumper! Now you’re really riled up. Your brand new car, the one you’ve just spent what seems like an eternity to repair a scratch on, has a DENT.
This time you go to a professional to fix the problem. It takes a few days and a lot of money, but the dent is almost invisible now. Another close call!
But what happens by the time you get your 6th or 7th scratch? You don’t bother to buff out those scratches anymore, and you can’t just take the car in for body work every time there’s a tiny ding. You start to let go and, at some point, you stop caring. Who cares if the car has a scratch? It has six other ones already. Right?
What if we’re not talking about your car, though. What if we’re talking about your relationship?
Tony Robbins’ approach to relationships
Truly extraordinary and successful relationships don’t come to people because they are lucky, unusually well-matched, completely similar or drowning in great chemistry. Extraordinary, loving, long-lasting, healthy relationships are the products of hard work, determination and the applied practice of the laws of love.
There are seven master skills we can learn, practice, hone and apply via ten disciplines of love and passion. These master skills and disciplines are at the heart of Tony’s approach to relationships, and — spoiler alert! — they work, no matter who you are or what stage of a relationship you’re in.
Remember that before you can create the healthy relationship that you want, you first need to work on you. The key is to live as your authentic self, in control of your fear. When you raise the standards to which you hold yourself, you’ll not only raise the standards of your relationship, but you’ll also help bring out the best in your partner.
In this guide, you will find tools for exploring and evaluating the secrets to relationship success. You will learn to turn up the passion and joy that you share with the person you love, or to identify what you want in your next relationship and what has been restraining you from finding the fulfillment you deserve. You will develop the ability to create and sustain a healthy, fulfilling, long-lasting relationship that that speaks to your standards and core values.
You will also discover the tools you need to guide you and your relationship through the most difficult of times, helping you and your partner cope with feelings of worry, stress and uncertainty. Learn how to rekindle a passionate, extraordinary relationship, how to cope with challenges that inevitably arise, and how to cultivate and sustain your relationship for constant growth and optimal joy and fulfillment.
What are the differences between simple exchanges of information and deep, connected levels of healthy communication in relationships? Learn how to practice effective communication by aligning you and your partners’ core values.
Learn how to spark passion back into your relationship. You’ll identify strategies for coping with the challenges that can bring your relationship down if you don’t use them as opportunities to take it to the next level.
Consider two couples: one that uses conflicts to evolve their relationship and one that uses conflict to embed it, and etch it, into their relationship. Which one do you think will lead to fulfillment? Learn how to use conflicts to grow in a healthy relationship.
What does a healthy relationship look and feel like? Learn about the playful power of polarity and how you can build trust with the one you love by showing that you can meet their core human needs even in the worst of times.
Dive Deeper: Core Concepts
Your relationship will only be as good as the standards you set for it. If you have low standards, you’ll get a low-quality relationship. These include the expectations you set for yourself. Ask yourself, how good of a partner am I? A strong and passionate partnership starts with you and the gratitude you feel for being with the person you love.
Do you want to be an extraordinary partner? Follow and practice the 10 guiding principles of an extraordinary relationship.
The passion in your relationship has to do with the energy that you share with your partner and vice versa. The more opposed your energies are, the more attraction there is, just like the more pull there is between magnets. This concept is known as polarity, and if that polarity fades in your relationship over time, then so does the passion.
You can shift the level of attraction in your relationship almost immediately, like the flip of a switch. Learn about polarity and why embracing it is a key to beautiful partnership.
Do you remember what you’d do for your partner when you first met? Almost anything, right? How and why does that passion, that spark, burn out? None of us see it coming, it simply creeps up on us. One day, we find that the love and attraction is gone. The truth is that there’s a process of depolarization that leads to other symptoms like resentment and a loss of commitment. It doesn’t need to be this way.
You have the power to change your destiny. If you understand the 5 core relationship stressors, then you have the know-how to restore its magic.
Relationships can be defined by your level of commitment. Is it all about you or do you split the work equally? Or, are you and your partner totally devoted to each other? The quality of a partner, and therefore the quality of a relationship, can be defined by how world-centric of a view you hold. Do you deeply care about your partner’s needs, or only your own?
Change starts with you. If you’re truly dedicated to reigniting the fire in your relationship, see how good of a partner you are.
A strong relationship is built on honesty and trust, which starts with honesty with yourself. Where are you in your relationship? Are you head-over-heels in love? Or, ready to run? Now, ask yourself this: where do you want to be? If you are true to yourself and know where you stand, and you have clarity in where you want to go, you can achieve the relationship of your dreams.
Where does your relationship stand? Be true to yourself and you will find clarity. Take the ultimate relationship test.
Frequently Asked Questions
How do I know if I am in a healthy relationship?
All truly extraordinary love affairs share one thing: they are the result of commitment to the ongoing mastery of fundamental relationship skills. Daily practice of these skills is a must. Building the habits and patterns that create and maintain an extraordinary relationship requires conscious application and repetition. Once these habits become muscle memory, once you’ve established momentum, the beautiful, passionate relationship you deserve will follow and endure.
Learn more about forging the healthy relationship you deserve.
How can relationship coaching help my relationship?
Relationship coaching can teach you how to harness the emotional power of your personal relationships in order to find true fulfillment. Finding greater passion means never feeling resigned or complacent in your relationships. Coaching is the answer to ensuring you are pursuing the romantic goals that truly matter to you and your partner, in order to sustain the attraction, love, and passion between you.
In the Ultimate Relationship Program, you can identify where you currently are in your relationships, where you truly want to be and how you can get there. Tony and Sage Robbins share what they have learned together over time and provide you with insights, principles and results-oriented tools you can use as a couple.
No matter what your past experiences have been like or what your current relationship status is, you have unlimited potential for creating something lasting, richer and deeper within yourself. This is the ultimate goal of love coaching.
How do I handle my partner's stress?
When you’re stressed, it’s too easy to get sucked into thinking that it’s all about you, and that your problems are yours alone. The truth is that stress does not work in a vacuum; it is a highly contagious disease. Stress eventually affects everyone around you — no one more than your partner. Don’t empower a negative feedback cycle that fuels negative emotions in you both; read about how to fight Stress: The contagious disease.
How do you and your partner rate when it comes to being supportive in stressful times? Does stress cause fighting and conflict, or prompt withdrawal and disconnection? Or do you see stress as an opportunity for creating new closeness within your relationship? Learning to put your partner’s needs first in times of stress may seem challenging, but the emotional dividends it yields are immeasurable.
The fact is that stress enters all relationships from time to time. The question is whether you can use stress to the advantage of your relationship as an intimacy-building tool. Can you use the challenge of stress like a body builder uses a weight to challenge his or her physical strength? By “working out” your ability to support your partner through stress, you gain intimacy and power — and build up your emotional muscle for the long run.
What resources should my partner and I try to improve our relationship?
It’s a fantastic feeling to recognize that not only are you in a relationship that you care about, but you’re also committed to making that relationship even better. If you’re here reading this, that’s the powerful position you’ve taken.
There are so many ways you can take action right now and experience what’s possible in your relationship. Learn how to transform your beliefs, discover key understandings and eliminate your fears with the Crazy Making to Love Making program. Or, take on the biggest challenge of all: master the fundamental emotional and cognitive skills essential to creating your ideal relationship with the Ultimate Relationship Program.