Discover your leading energy
Start nowIt’s easy to take our partners for granted. Especially when we have been in the relationship for a while. We get comfortable, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing, because that can breed intimacy. But when comfortable means we get lazy, short or even harsh, it has the cumulative effect of making our partner feel unappreciated and even unloved.
This year, when speaking with your partner, start to watch your tone of voice. Take note of how gentle you are. How much care and love do you feel you are conveying?
In his book, “The Relationship Cure,” renowned relationship psychologist Dr. Gottman reveals that when it comes to assessing the meaning of what their partners are saying, only 7% of that meaning comes from the spoken word, while 38% comes from tone of voice and speech patterns. Words that may seem neutral can become incendiary if spoken with a sarcastic, demeaning, or contemptuous tone of voice, causing the listener to feel hurt and disrespected.
But while we’ve always known that tone of voice is an important part of clear communication, just how critical are things like vocal inflection, volume and pitch when it comes to the health of your relationship? According to a study that examined hundreds of conversations from over 100 couples during marriage therapy sessions — your tone of voice may be a key indicator of your marital success.
Another area to start taking note of in your relationship is how you frame and deliver your thoughts and feelings to your partner. Arguments about housework, priorities and money are inevitable, but this is exactly why choosing the right words during an argument is so important.
Even when you have the best of intentions, what you say can escalate into a full-blown fight and really hurt the one you love. And one of the most common mistakes those in a relationship make with their language is the use of “you-statements.”
