The 3 keys to passion

It’s so easy to fall in love. Remember the excitement, the romance, and the lust? Sure, there were some challenges, but you were so happy as you explored whether you wanted to let this fascinating person into your bed, your heart, and your bank account. You planned dates, you dressed to impress, and you opened up your vulnerabilities. You made that person your top priority, and they made you feel like the most important person on the planet. And the sex? It was hot, it was fun, and it was frequent. Yes indeed, you were really, really good at falling in love. Because novelty and biochemistry were on your side.

How’s that working out for you these days? If you are like most long-term couples, the thrill has waned. Well, it’s not your fault – biology isn’t doing you any favors. When you were pursuing your mate, there was a cocktail of lust hormones and pleasurable neurochemistry boogying though your body. And it made you crazy – the brain of someone falling in love mimics obsessive-compulsive disorder. So you literally couldn’t stop thinking about your beloved.

But in a hilarious plot twist, once you achieved your goal – essentially, you made a commitment – your system shifted from pursuit to contentment. Novelty faded, the prize was won, and cuddling and complacency replaced sizzle and surprise. Fast forward a few years and you may find yourself in what I call Marriage Incorporated. Together, you do a great job of running your family – the mortgage is paid, kids get to dance class on time, and you even squeeze in a week of vacation here and there. But it’s nothing like when you fell in love, is it? You may find you are friends more than lovers – roommates running a business – instead of that passionate duo you were when you started.

So, this Valentine’s season, I want you to ask yourself – is it possible to reignite passion and excitement? The answer is yes.

Extraordinary couples – that are deeply connected, playfully adventurous, wildly affectionate and sizzlingly sexy – are just like you. Except they make their love intentional.

Recently I spoke about intentional love and sex at one of Tony’s events. One of the attendees stood up and asked the audience “how many of us have read at least 5 business books this year?” Almost every hand went up. “Okay,” he said. “How many of us have read at least five relationship and sex books this year?” About seven people put their hands up. He then issued a challenge: “Who is going to join me in committing to put the same energy into our love relationship that we do into our businesses?”