Overcoming Self-Sabotage with Proven Strategies

How to Stop Self-Sabotaging to Unleash Your Higher Self

Most of us think our biggest enemies are out in the world, but the truth is, the greatest obstacles are often inside us—those patterns and beliefs that hold us back. I call these your inner saboteurs. They’re the automatic thoughts and emotions that steer you off course, convincing you to play small, procrastinate, or doubt yourself.

But here’s the good news: you also have a higher self. This is the part of you that’s wise, resourceful, and powerful beyond measure. When you tap into your higher self, you make decisions from a place of clarity, strength, and love—not fear or ego. You access your best thinking, your deepest insight, and your true potential.

It’s the classic battle between the part of you that wants to keep you safe and small, and the part of you that’s ready to grow and lead. Your success—whether it’s in business, relationships, or your own happiness—depends on which part you choose to empower.

You can’t master your life until you master yourself. That means learning to quiet your saboteurs and unleash your higher self, so you can create the results you truly want.

What Is Self-Sabotage?

Self-sabotage is when you get in your own way. Maybe you procrastinate, doubt yourself, or give up just before the finish line. It’s that voice in your head that says, “Who do you think you are?” or “You’re not ready.” It’s sneaky, and it shows up in all areas of life—work, love, health, and even your happiness.

“What we can or cannot do, what we consider possible or impossible, is rarely a function of our true capability. It is more likely a function of our beliefs about who we are.” —Tony Robbins

My Own Battle with Self-Sabotage

Let me tell you, I’ve been there. Early in my career, I had a pattern: every time I was about to break through to a new level, I’d find a way to pull back. I’d get “too busy” to follow up on a big opportunity, or I’d convince myself I wasn’t ready for the next step. I was letting my saboteurs run the show.

One day, I realized I was living in a pattern of fear—fear of not being enough, fear of failing, even fear of succeeding. That’s when I decided to change my story. I started asking myself,:

“Whose voice is this? Is it my sage, or my saboteur?”

That simple question changed everything.

How I Crafted Tools to Overcome Self-Sabotage

I knew I needed tools—practical strategies to shift from sabotage to sage. Here are a few that changed my life and the lives of thousands I’ve coached:

1. State Management: Where focus goes, energy flows. When I caught myself spiraling, I’d change my physiology—stand up, move, breathe deeply. This interrupts the pattern and gives your sage a chance to speak.
2. The Power of Questions: I started asking better questions. Instead of “Why am I failing?” I’d ask, “What can I learn from this?” or “How can I use this?” Your brain will find answers to whatever you ask—so ask empowering questions.
3. The 2mm Rule: Sometimes, the difference between sabotage and success is just a tiny shift. I’d make one small change—like reaching out to a mentor or taking one action I’d been avoiding. Those little steps add up.
4. Belief Rewiring: I challenged my limiting beliefs. When I thought, “I can’t do this,” I’d ask, “Is that really true?” Most of the time, it wasn’t. I replaced those beliefs with empowering ones: “I am resourceful. I can figure this out.”

"Our beliefs about what we are and what we can be, precisely determine what we will be." —Tony Robbins

How Tony Has used these Tools Help Others Break the Cycle

You’re not alone in this. I’ve worked with people from every background—athletes, business owners, parents, leaders, and everyday heroes—who all faced the same invisible enemy: self-sabotage. No matter how successful or driven you are, those old patterns can sneak in and hold you back. But here’s the truth: change is possible for anyone, and it doesn’t require superhuman strength. It just takes the right tools, a shift in perspective, and the willingness to take that first step.

I’ve seen these tools work in real lives, in real time. When you interrupt the old patterns and tap into your higher self, you don’t just change your results—you change your entire experience of life. The breakthroughs I’ve witnessed aren’t just about achieving more; they’re about becoming more. More confident, more connected, more alive.
Let me share a few stories of how these strategies have helped people just like you break the cycle and create lasting change.

1. State Management: I remember coaching a young athlete named Chris. Before every big race, he’d get so nervous that his hands would shake and his mind would go blank. He’d tell himself, “I’m not good enough,” and his body would follow—shoulders slumped, shallow breathing, eyes down. I taught Chris to use his body as a lever: before the next race, he stood tall, took deep, powerful breaths, and bounced on his toes while focusing on a moment he felt proud. That shift in his physiology changed his focus and his emotions. He ran his best time ever, not because his skills changed overnight, but because he learned to master his state. Where focus goes, energy flows.
2. The Power of Questions: A business owner named Maria came to me after her product launch flopped. She was stuck in a loop, asking herself, “Why does this always happen to me?”—which only made her feel more defeated. I challenged her to ask, “What can I learn from this?” and “How can I use this experience to get better?” Suddenly, her mind started searching for solutions instead of problems. She realized she hadn’t listened closely to her customers’ feedback. She made a few key changes, relaunched, and not only did her sales improve, but she felt empowered—because she’d shifted from victim to creator, just by changing her questions.
3. The 2mm Rule: I worked with a father named David who felt disconnected from his teenage daughter, Emma. Years of misunderstandings had built a wall between them. David thought he had to make some grand gesture to fix things, but I told him about the 2mm rule—sometimes, the smallest shift creates the biggest impact. I asked him to simply spend five minutes each evening just listening to Emma, no advice, no agenda. At first, it felt awkward, but over a few weeks, Emma started opening up. That tiny, consistent action rebuilt their trust and changed their relationship. Progress doesn’t have to be massive—it just has to be real.
4. Belief Rewiring: There was a woman named Lisa who always said, “I’m not a leader.” She’d shy away from opportunities at work, convinced she didn’t have what it took. I asked her, “Is that really true, or is it just a story you’ve been telling yourself?” We dug into her past and found moments where she’d stepped up—helping a friend through a crisis, organizing a community event, mentoring a new colleague. When she saw those examples, her belief started to shift. She took a chance, led a project at work, and her team thrived. By challenging her old story, she created a new identity—and a new reality.

How to Stop Self-Sabotage Today

If you want to stop self-sabotage, start here:

• Notice your patterns. Where do you hold yourself back?
• Interrupt the pattern. Change your state—move, breathe, shift your focus.
• Ask empowering questions. What’s the opportunity here? What would my sage do?
• Take one small action. Progress, not perfection.
• Challenge your beliefs. Is this really true, or is it just a story?

Remember, you are not your saboteurs. You have the power to choose your sage, every single day. Master yourself, and you can master anything.

Live with passion, and remember: the only limits in your life are the ones you accept.

The discovery of the saboteurs and the sage

The discovery of the saboteurs and the sage comes from the extensive psychology and neuroscience research of Shirzad Chamine — professor at both Yale and Stanford university business schools and author of New York Times best-selling book, Positive Intelligence.

Find out which of these sneaky saboteurs are plaguing you most by taking this short assessment test.

"The birth of excellence begins with our awareness that our beliefs are a choice. We usually don’t think of it that way, but belief can be a conscious choice. You can choose beliefs that limit you, or you can choose beliefs that support you. The trick is to choose the beliefs that are conducive to success and the results you want and to discard the ones that hold you back." —Tony Robbins