Team Tony cultivates, curates and shares Tony Robbins’ stories and core principles, to help others achieve an extraordinary life.
Handling your partner’s success
Celebrate your partner's success and grow a stronger relationship
The ability to understand what your partner wants and needs at a fundamental level is one of the most important things you can cultivate on behalf of your relationship. Businesspeople who can reliably perceive customer needs can create “raving fan customers,” and this raving fan mentality is just as powerful at home as it is in the workplace. When your partner succeeds at something, they should know and feel that you are in their corner, which then translates to them feeling just as ecstatic when you succeed at your goals, too. But if you’re feeling a bit behind in your own success, these tips will help you figure out how to be the supportive and celebratory partner your partner expects you to be.
BUILD UP YOUR PARTNER
Even the most successful partner wants and needs to be built up. Whether your partner is winning accolades every week or struggling, they need you to be their greatest fan. The most valuable gift you can bestow on your partner is your own belief and confidence. Let them see just how amazing they look through your eyes by giving positive affirmations when they succeed or struggle. Your belief in them will act as motivation to continue to pursue their goals, and they will be ready to motivate you in the same way when you need it, too.
CREATE A POSITIVE FEEDBACK CYCLE
Harsh words and criticism that is not constructive breed more of the same. Fortunately, positive emotions and feedback are also self-perpetuating. Feed your relationship like a garden, which needs nurture and care. If you’re sowing your garden with bitterness and negativity, you only hijack what you reap.
Giving your partner the gift of loving support allows them in turn to reciprocate; this positive feedback cycle deepens your relationship and renders it more secure. This, in turn, allows you to love and enjoy your partner’s success without resentment.
VALUE THE DIFFERENCES THAT MAKE YOU STRONGER TOGETHER
Recognize that you and your partner have wonderfully different skills, talents and abilities. Success for each partner looks a little different, so don’t let jealousy and insecurity bog you down. This synergistic relationship of complementary talents allows you to be more together than you are apart.
When you see your relationship through this lens which values your unique qualities, you can support your partner effectively even when they are achieving in areas that are weak for you. This allows you to feel genuine, honest support for your partner’s success.
PUT IN THE WORK
Which do you think makes for a solid, successful business: doing everything you can, or doing just enough to get by? The answer in the context of a business is obvious. Why, then, do we sometimes see our relationships differently, putting in only enough work to keep them afloat?
Fight the tendency to get lazy and complacent in your relationship. Don’t just be a good partner — be the best partner you can imagine. This kind of directed emotional effort yields unlimited dividends as your partner will reciprocate your behavior by lifting you higher and higher throughout your relationship.
BEING RIGHT ON TIME
Even your highly successful partner has to cope with stress. Feeling stress makes your partner feel anxious, inadequate and even depressed. The way you help your partner cope with these feelings changes everything for both of you.
Be a constant source of support and even inspiration for your partner. Your partner may be at his or her most stubborn behavior when he or she is being challenged by stress, and those times are when they rely on you more than ever. Be there for them even when it’s a challenge, and you will always be right on time, meeting their needs and exceeding their expectations.
Highly successful people enjoy rewarding partnerships with others, both at work and at home. You can’t bestow a Nobel Prize on your partner as recognition of their greatness, but you can and should reward them every day. Tell your partner how important they are, and back up the things you say with clear actions. Each time you make your partner your priority, you strengthen your bond.
GENUINE ADMIRATION ROOTED IN SECURITY
Allow yourself the freeing feeling of genuinely admiring your partner and their success. Each time you feel a flash of insecurity or even intimidation, mindfully refocus your feelings. It’s not your partner’s duty to minimize their success. If you open your heart to feeling honest admiration based on the security that comes from a strong relationship, you gift your partner with the freedom to take more pride in his or her work — not to mention your relationship.
Your partner’s success is no threat to you. It is a benefit to your relationship. Practice handling your partner’s success positively and graciously, which will result to both of you being able to build a stronger, more secure relationship, which is a success in itself.
Header image © GaudiLab/Big Stock Photo