Team Tony cultivates, curates and shares Tony Robbins’ stories and core principles, to help others achieve an extraordinary life.
A new blueprint for happiness
Have you always imagined that you would be married with children by a certain age? Or that you would be further along in your career than you are today? What other beliefs do you have about what your life should look like? How have these limiting beliefs held you back from reaching your true potential? What would happen if you let go of the idea of happiness you had in your mind, and instead, started being grateful for what you already have? How would this lead you to the path to create your own happiness?
While you may not have followed the traditional storybook blueprint for your life that includes going to a top school, getting a good job, finding the right person, having children and living happily ever after, odds are you still cling to one archetype – that in order to truly believe you are enough, you have to achieve an enormous amount. You feel that only once you accomplish an insurmountable goal that you’ll be happy. A limiting belief such as this makes it extremely difficult to achieve a breakthrough in any area of your life. It hinders your ability to create your
How to find your own happiness
We live in a culture that teaches people that you are not good enough unless you do something really special and unique. But our definition of what qualifies as special or unique is distorted. Why do we praise celebrities without fully appreciating people who do invaluable work, such as school teachers? Why do we look at stay-at-home parents as being just caregivers, when many are working tirelessly to nurture and raise the future of the world? Doesn’t that deserve to be called “special”? In our culture, we are often pushed to do what we believe society wants us to do rather than following the pull of passion. When we follow the push instead of the pull, we cannot create happiness that is truly meaningful to us.
The expectations we set for ourselves, and our loved ones, have become unrealistic. These types of expectations are dangerous – they prevent you from being who you really are and finding a way to create your own happiness. And while goals and dreams are important for every individual to have and aspire to, it’s not beneficial to tie our happiness to the blueprint we have created for our lives. The fact of the matter is you have to create your own happiness. You can’t fit your joy into a cookie cutter mold. There’s no magic button or map to follow that will lead you to a joyful life – you have to design it for yourself.
Think about it: Whenever you are happy with something in your life, it is because, right now, the conditions of your life match your blueprint, or your belief about how life should be in that particular area.
But here’s the downside: If the formula for happiness is to be able to meet your expectations, then what makes you feel bad? What creates pain, stress and frustration in your life? That’s right – when you try living your life without experiencing pain at all. We often think that pain means failure. We become so afraid of suffering that we avoid pain at all costs. In reality, experiencing pain can be incredibly powerful – when you feel pain, you can take your suffering and use it as an opportunity to grow. From suffering, you can come out stronger and learn how to make your own happiness.
Navigating your fear of pain can sometimes work to your benefit. A lot of very successful people are driven by the fear of never closing the gap between where they are and where they want to be. But here’s where it can become dangerous: When you convince yourself that you are not in control of your own sense of joy and fulfillment.
Regaining control and deciding to find your own happiness can often be the product of letting go and moving on. It may seem contradictory that letting go of the past and what we believe should happen can lead to more happiness, but it’s true. Letting go is a positive and cathartic experience that is incredibly freeing. And, contrary to what many may think, letting go doesn’t mean you stop caring – it simply means that you are allowing space for all the joy that is meant to come your way and that you are ready to make your own happiness. Knowing that you can create your happiness by letting go of what you believe you need to be happy is the ultimate freedom and the only path to true joy.
The story of Enhamed Enhamed
Look at the story of Enhamed Enhamed, a world-class swimmer from Spain who has been blind since the age of 8 years old. Enhamed went through a dark period in which his limiting beliefs told him he could not achieve what he had set out to because of his visual impairment. He became self-conscious and self-doubting, believing that his life conditions made it impossible for him to be who he wanted to be and unaware that he could create happiness.
Enhamed was not only in a place where his life did not match his blueprint, but he had convinced himself that he had no control to change it. And because of this, he suffered immensely.
His turning point came after reading Awaken the Giant Within. Enhamed had realized that his blindness had become his excuse rather than a reason to inspire change. He saw that he had become locked into a mindset that kept him from making any progress. And because he knew he could not change the conditions of his life – he was going to always be blind – he made the decision to change his blueprint, because he knew he still had a tremendous passion for swimming. When his eyes were opened to the fact that he was in charge and could create happiness, his entire world was transformed.
When you suffer, that is a signal for you to look at your blueprint. You have two options: change your life – that is, do something to close the gap between where you are and where you want to be – or, if you can’t change your life, change your blueprint.
Create your own happiness
When Enhamed decided to let go of his old story and create a new one, his entire life began to change. He was able to ease his suffering, transcend his limiting beliefs, face and leverage his fears and find an extraordinary life.
By pursuing his passion, and creating his own definition of happiness, Enhamed was not only able to find joy, but massive amounts of success. Today, Enhamed is considered the best Paralympic swimmer in history, having won four gold medals in the Beijing games and two in the Athens Paralympic games. He now serves as a coach and shares his life story, which has helped inspire and motivate individuals from across the world.
Enhamed now describes the moment he became blind as “the day I won my blindness.” He realized that sometimes failing to adhere to what you had believed was your path can ultimately get you to your destiny.
How to make your own happiness
No matter what your life looks like right now or how far you are from the blueprint you thought you should follow, you can still create your own happiness. Here are 10 tips to help you get started:
1. Do what you love
It’s nearly impossible to find your own happiness when you spend eight hours a day doing work you are not passionate about. If you’re unhappy at work, it’s time to find a new job or a completely new career. Even if that means going back to school or taking a pay cut, it will be well worth it to follow your passion.
2. Stop comparing
Your life is not like anyone else’s, which is why you need to find your own happiness rather than relying on others to tell you what happiness means. Stop comparing yourself to others because you never know what’s truly going on behind closed doors. Get off social media, stop looking at what everyone else has that you don’t and focus on what truly brings you joy.
3. Make a list
When we’re feeling down, it can be difficult to remember what has made us happy in the past. Next time you do something that brings you joy, add it to a list. Then, the next time you need a mood boost, look at the list and choose one of the activities.
4. Be around those who bring you happiness
It can be tough to make your own happiness when everyone around you is miserable. Proximity is power – you will eventually rise to the level of those you spend the most time with. Choose positive, supportive people to be in your inner circle and you will be much more likely to find your own happiness.
5. Adopt a gratitude mindset
Whether you’re looking for the good or bad in any situation (or person), you’re likely to find it. To create your own happiness, you need to constantly look for the good and be thankful for it. This simple shift in mindset will improve your mood, your relationships and your success.
6. Do something for others
There’s a reason why Tony says “The secret to living is giving.” Giving your time, talents or money to others feeds your soul in a way nothing else does. Whether you volunteer at a homeless shelter, bring a grieving friend a homemade casserole or give a compliment to a stranger, you can create your own happiness by making others happy.
7. Always have something to look forward to
Knowing there is a reward in the future helps you get through even the most stressful situations. Make your own happiness by scheduling upcoming lunch dates with friends, mini vacations or relaxing massages.
8. Create experiences
Once you truly know what brings you joy, enhance it by experiencing it with others who share your version of happiness. This might mean joining a book club or getting involved in a philanthropy group. Having pleasurable experiences with others creates meaningful connections and helps you more deeply enjoy activities you love.
9. Know when to say no
Developing healthy boundaries will help you find your own happiness without letting others dictate it for you. Before saying yes to requests, think about if it’s something you really want to do or if it aligns with your values. If it doesn’t, politely decline.
10. Take time to yourself
You can’t create your own happiness when you don’t know yourself deeply. You need regular “me time.” A weekly warm bath, a night in with a favorite movie or a regular yoga class will help you stay connected to your inner needs and give you the energy you need to give to others.
When we let go and follow our pull of passion, we open up the space for happiness. We realize that life is not happening to us, it is happening for us. When you reach this realization, you have achieved the mindset shift that will allow you to create your own happiness. You will realize your path has become clearer and obstacles have fallen away. And most importantly, no matter what happens in life, you are always more than that moment – and more than the story you have created. How will you make your own happiness?
Ready to throw out your expectations and create your happiness? Attend Unleash the Power with Tony Robbins and find out how joyful life can be.