Mind & Meaning

How to control your destiny

8 powerful steps to become unstoppable

Posted by: Team Tony

Destiny, fate, karma, serendipity – whatever you call it, the idea that life is determined by powers beyond our control is as old as time. It appears in Greek mythology, ancient Chinese storytelling and in every culture around the world. But what if destiny wasn’t real? What if you could control your destiny?

Believing that you control your own destiny means you have recognized your internal locus of control. It means you take responsibility for your thoughts and actions and their outcomes. By thinking this way, you can become unstoppable. You can learn how to control your destiny.

1. Accept reality

To control your destiny, you must first accept who you are and where you are, right now. If you fool yourself into thinking that you’re further along in your goals than you really are, you’ll leave yourself with nothing to accomplish. At the same time, don’t convince yourself that your life is worse than it really is. Take a step back and look at your circumstances from a new perspective. Develop your self-awareness and accept reality. You can’t make a plan to control your destiny if you don’t know your starting point.

2. Question your beliefs

Accepting reality doesn’t mean you just sit back and forget about how to control your destiny. It means that you take ownership of what you can change and forget about things you can’t. You can’t control what others do or think. You can’t control the market. The only thing you can change is your own mindset. To do that, you must question the story you tell yourself – and transform it into one that empowers you. Limiting beliefs – the negative things we tell ourselves about the way we are and the way the world is – only hold you back from fully controlling your destiny.

3. Let go of the past

Your past is not your future – unless you live there. To control your own destiny, you must forgive those who have hurt you and let go of the past. Realize that, as Tony says, “Nothing in life has any meaning except the meaning you give to it.” Will you give your past a meaning filled with hurt and pain, or will you realize that it’s what made you who you are today? Your past can be a source of inner strength and deep belief in yourself, if you choose to give it a positive meaning.

4. Explore your relationships

Nothing affects the quality of your life and your ability to control your destiny more deeply than your relationships. They are a window into your values and beliefs, including your beliefs about yourself. They are the source of life’s greatest pleasure and life’s greatest pain. And they can either propel you toward your goals or keep you stagnant.

Sometimes you must cut ties with unhealthy relationships that no longer serve you. This is one of the hardest parts of learning how to control your destiny, but you can’t fly when you’re weighed down.

5. Reveal your driving force

Your relationships also provide clues about your driving force – the ultimate reason you do the things you do. We’re all driven by Six Human Needs: certainty, significance, variety, love/connection, growth and contribution. We need all of these things at a certain level, but we each have one top need that drives us more than others. By looking at your life in this context, you’ll be able to more successfully control your destiny, because you will recognize and fulfill your needs in a positive way.

6. Face your fears

Fear is a natural survival instinct, but like our relationships, it doesn’t always serve us. If you’re living in fear, you can never truly learn how to control your destiny. To become your best self and realize your unlimited potential for growth, you must learn how to use fear instead of letting fear use you. Be vulnerable with your partner. Take steps to start that business you dream of. Sign up for a public speaking class. Whatever you are afraid of, go do it – today.

7. Design your life

You’ve created new, positive beliefs, let go of relationships and stories that don’t serve you and discovered how to fulfill your needs. You’re feeling confident and empowered. Now is the time to design your life. You can do, have and be anything you want, so think big. What is your true purpose in life? What energizes you? Envision an extraordinary life filled with passion. A life you can only achieve when you fully control your destiny.

8. Reset your focus

Tony tells us that “Whatever you consistently think about and focus upon you move toward.” Once you’ve designed your life, you must put all your energy toward achieving that life. Stop relying on others to make you feel a certain way or waiting around for them to get on the same page. Use empowering routines like priming, visualization, incantations and exercise to focus your intentions on how to control your destiny. Create goals using a system like Tony’s Rapid Planning Method and hold yourself accountable. You have all the tools you need – the rest is up to you.