How to fix a sexless marriage

“Relationships don’t die because of a lack of love, they die because of a lack of passion.” – Tony Robbins

When you met your partner, you felt a tremendous sense of passion toward them. This manifested on both an emotional and physical level. The two of you were inseparable, and you couldn’t keep your hands off each other. You got married and felt like you were on top of the world. 

But things have changed.

You can’t pinpoint when the affection began to fade, but over time, you stopped being so physical with one another. Maybe the newness of the relationship wore off, or perhaps new stressors appeared in your shared life, like kids, job responsibilities or financial struggles. Things have sputtered out. The relationship is still intact but you’ve lost that necessary intimacy you need to keep your love alive. Your relationship has lost its passion, and as a result, you’re now coping with a sexless marriage.

Everyone responds to losing the physical aspect of their marriage in a different way. Some people convince themselves it’s normal, that they shouldn’t care and should keep a brave face. Don’t fall into this trap. Passion and intimacy are absolutely critical to your relationship; without it, you won’t grow as people or together as a pair.

Instead of agonizing over how to survive a sexless marriage, commit to reigniting that lost sense of passion

How to survive a sexless marriage

Surviving a sexless marriage without can be difficult without knowing the right steps to take. Learn to communicate openly with your partner and regain that physical intimacy by following these steps:

1. Realign your polarity

couple holding hands

In order to thrive, the two people in a relationship need to represent masculine and feminine energies. These contrasting energies are similar to the negative and positive charges on a magnet – when together, this creates polarity in a relationship. Feminine energy focuses more on emotion and connection, while the driving force behind masculine energy is working toward an end goal. Regardless of gender, there must be masculine energy in one partner and feminine energy in the other for a relationship to succeed. To understand what’s going on in your marriage, and why you’ve lost physical connection, you need to understand polarity and how it affects your partnership.

Over time, polarity can change. Perhaps the partner with feminine energy has had to take on a more masculine role, causing the relationship’s dynamic to shift. This can result in a loss of passion and intimacy, as the marriage no longer has the feminine intuition and focus on connection that it needs to be well rounded.

Examine the roles you and your partner have taken on in your marriage. Have they changed over time? Did the partner with feminine energy take on a new role that requires more results-driven traits? Has the masculine energy source had to step down from their normal position?

By assessing what type of energy you and your partner have and working to readjust your polarity, you may realize you are both embodying energies that don’t suit you. Perhaps the masculine partner needs to feel that they are providing for your family more, or the feminine partner wants to feel able to care for the masculine partner. Returning these energies to where they belong – again, regardless of your physical genders – will help push the emotional dial of your relationship back to where it should be.

two wedding bands

2. Date each other

couple on a date at the beach

A sexless relationship is often a comfortable relationship. When you settle down together and move past the phase where every day is full of excitement, you get lazy. The passion fades.

Think of all the little things you used to do for your partner before you were married. You probably brought them little gifts and told them how much they meant to you. You planned date nights and excursions. Now you can hardly remember the last time you planned a special date night for your partner. 

Why did you stop?

Because you got comfortable. You stopped treating each other like you were special. You stopped dating each other.

If you want your relationship to be sexual, incredible and full of intimacy, you have to fight for it.

Prove to your partner that you’re their biggest fan who would do anything for them. Surprise them when they least expect it – it can even be with something simple like their favorite latte during lunch hour or picking up dinner on your way home.

No couple has a perfect relationship, but you can experience something extraordinary with your ideal partner. Mind-blowing, passionate relationships take work, but if you’re willing to put in the time and commitment it takes to move past a sexless marriage, all areas of your life will be better because of it.

couple kissing by the beach

3. Communicate with each other

couple talking over coffee

When you’re coping with a sexless marriage, the best person to help you turn it around is your partner. Have you brought this issue up with them? Are they also unhappy with how infrequently you’re being intimate? Or have you been simmering in silence, letting your resentment build and further relinquishing any hope you have of rekindling your passion?

Now is not the time to emulate the strong silent type. It’s up to both of you to make this work, so commit to speaking up and asking them how they think and feel about the situation. Wading into this territory with them is frightening but necessary. They might not know how to fix a sexless marriage immediately, but a willingness to work through the issue together says a lot about your relationship. 

Chances are, your verbal and emotional communication is lacking, which has led to a drop in physical intimacy. Did something occur that eroded your ability to speak freely with each other like you used to? Is it something serious like infidelity, or are you both coping with new stresses at work or at home? 

When you’re able to communicate on a mental and emotional level with your spouse, you’ll create a deeper physical connection, too, so find a way to positively address the issue and create a plan to move forward together.

couple on a date in a restaurant

4. Keep an eye on your relationship

Working together to fix a sexless marriage is an important step, but your work isn’t over yet. It is vital to remember that your relationship changes over time. Depending on the situations and stressors in your life, you will have days when you’re physically closer with your partner and days when you need space. The secret is to continue reassessing your physical and emotional needs together, as a loving unit, and making adjustments as necessary.

It’s important to stop living out old stories – let go of past mistakes! Don’t keep punishing your partner for something they said and did that you’ve already discussed, and don’t hold on to limiting beliefs about yourself, either.

a couple embracing in bed

You aren’t the same people you were when you met, because you’ve both grown and changed. This isn’t a bad thing. Embrace changes and continue innovating in your relationship. The things your love life needed in the beginning aren’t the same as what it needs now. As long as you’re willing to communicate openly and honestly with your partner, you should be able to revive and sustain the sexual intimacy in your marriage.

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