The ultimate relationship guide
Imagine you’ve just bought a brand new car. It’s the car of your dreams, the one you’ve spent so many years dreaming of and wishing for, and you finally bought it. You leave it in the parking lot to go to work and when you get back, you find a scratch. How do you react?
Maybe you’re jumping and screaming, pulling your hair out, absolutely enraged that someone had the audacity to scratch your car. You do some research and find that you can carefully buff out the scratch if you take the time and effort to do it. So you clean the surface where the scratch is, polish the area, then clean again with an expensive solvent to remove waxes and oils before painstakingly applying the paint.
A week or two passes by, and you leave the car parked in the grocery store lot while you go inside. You come out and what do you find? A dent on your rear bumper. Now you’re really riled up. Your brand new car, the one you’ve just spent what seems like an eternity to repair a scratch on, has a DENT.
This time you go to a professional to fix the problem. It takes a few days and a lot of money, but the dent is almost invisible now. Another close call!
But what happens by the time you get your sixth or seventh scratch? You don’t bother to buff out those scratches anymore, and you can’t just take the car in for body work every time there’s a tiny ding. You start to let it go and, at some point, you stop caring. Who cares if the car has a scratch? It has six other ones already. Right?
What if we stop talking about your car and start talking about your relationship in this scenario? What if instead of an owner’s manual, you need a relationship guide?
Take action and improve your relationships todayDownload the Relationship Guide
Tony Robbins’ approach to relationships
Truly extraordinary and successful relationships don’t come to people because they are lucky, unusually well-matched, completely similar or drowning in great chemistry. Extraordinary, loving, long-lasting, healthy relationships are the products of hard work, determination and the applied practice of the laws of love. Learning how to never question the intent of your partner, to take the time to appreciate what makes them unique and wonderful and finding ways to interrupt negative or repetitive patterns in fun and interesting ways are just three of the laws that can help you create an extraordinary relationship.
There are seven master skills we can learn, practice, hone and apply via 10 disciplines of love and passion. These master skills and disciplines are at the heart of Tony’s approach to relationship advice, and – spoiler alert – they work, no matter who you are or what stage of a relationship you’re in. When you harness the power of skills like giving freedom to your partner and embracing unconditional love and compassion, you open the door to a relationship that is more fulfilling than you could ever dream. Imagine living with and loving someone who is your number one fan and your best friend. When you follow Tony Robbins’ relationship guide, you can have that type of relationship.
Many people focus too much on what to look for in a relationship. Remember that before you can create the healthy relationship that you want, you first must work on yourself. The key is to live as your authentic self, in control of your fear. When you raise the standards to which you hold yourself, you’ll not only raise the standards of your relationship, but you’ll also help bring out the best in your partner. Always being angry, sad or jealous in a relationship can be attributed to yourself, rather than your partner.
In this relationship guide, you will find tools for exploring and evaluating the secrets to relationship success that will lead you to the fulfilling relationship you’ve always wanted. You will learn to turn up the passion and joy that you share with the person you love, or to identify what you want in your next relationship and what has been restraining you from finding the fulfillment you deserve. You will develop the ability to create and sustain a healthy, supportive, long-lasting relationship that speaks to your standards and core values.
You will also discover the tools you need to guide you and your relationship through the most difficult of times, helping you and your partner cope with feelings of worry, stress and uncertainty. You will learn how to focus on being compassionate and understanding instead of being right, and to always understand that it’s when your partner is being the most uncooperative or distant that they need your love the most.
In this groundbreaking relationship guide, you’ll also learn how to rekindle a passionate, extraordinary relationship, how to cope with challenges that inevitably arise and how to cultivate and sustain your relationship for constant growth and optimal joy and fulfillment. You’ll be reminded that flexibility is at the core of every healthy relationship and how letting go of attachment and the need to be right can take your relationship to new heights. You’ll also learn when not to be flexible – it’s just as important to be able to identify when your core values are being threatened in a relationship.
The key to communication in relationships
What are the differences between straightforward exchanges of information and deep, connected levels of healthy communication in relationships? Learn how to practice effective communication by aligning you and your partners’ core values.
Rekindle the passion in your relationship
Learn how to spark passion back into your relationship. You’ll identify strategies for coping with the challenges that can bring your relationship down if you don’t use them as opportunities to take it to the next level.
How to resolve conflict and save your relationship
Consider two couples: one that uses conflicts to evolve their relationship and one that uses conflict to embed it, and etch it, into their relationship. Which one do you think will lead to fulfillment? Learn how to use conflicts to grow in this healthy relationship guide.
Forging the healthy relationship you deserve
What does a healthy relationship look and feel like? Learn about the playful power of polarity and how you can build trust with the one you love by showing that you can meet their core human needs even in the worst of times.
Overcome your relationship insecurities
Discover ways to ward off feelings of insecurity that may threaten your relationship. Tackle any romantic insecurities and create the lasting, healthy relationship you deserve.
Signs of a passionate relationship
Are you in a loving and intimate relationship with your partner? This relationship guide will give you the 10 signs of a truly passionate relationship.
Dive Deeper: Core Concepts
The 10 guiding principles of an extraordinary relationship
Your relationship will only be as good as the standards you set for it. If you have low standards, you’ll get a low-quality relationship. These include the expectations you set for yourself. Ask yourself, how good of a partner am I? A strong and passionate partnership starts with you and the gratitude you feel for being with the person you love.
Do you want to be an extraordinary partner? Follow and practice the 10 guiding principles of an extraordinary relationship.
The #1 law of attraction: polarity
The passion in your relationship has to do with the energy that you share with your partner and vice versa. The more opposed your energies are, the more attraction there is, just like the more pull there is between magnets. This concept is known as polarity, and if that polarity fades in your relationship over time, then so does the passion.
You can shift the level of attraction in your relationship almost immediately, like the flip of a switch. Learn about polarity and why embracing it is a key to beautiful partnership.
How to embrace your natural energy
You’ve learned that polarity in relationships is the spark that occurs between two opposing energies: masculine and feminine. Which are you? Sometimes it feels hard to tell. We all wear masks in our day-to-day lives that slowly cause us to lose touch with our inner energy – and that can depolarize our relationships.
To ignite passion in your relationship, you must embrace your natural energy. Discover how to strip away the mask you’ve created and learn to be comfortable in your own femininity or masculinity.
Three components of lifelong passion
Want to fall in love all over again? You don’t need to change your mate – you need to change your mind. You need to recommit to love, nurture what you have and focus on giving your all to your partner. You need this relationship guide to the three keys to passion – intimacy, thrill and sensuality. With it, you can bring balance and passion back to your relationship.
Learn how to eliminate boredom, reignite passion and choose love – the most important choice you’ll ever make.
Six reasons relationships fail
No relationship is perfect. There will always be ups and downs. The strongest relationships survive not because the love is stronger, but because both partners have the skills they need to navigate the tough times. They’re able to see the signs that point to trouble ahead and take action to face them head on – and save the relationship.
Stop playing relationship roulette. It’s time to address relationship triggers and salvage your struggling partnership.
The 5 relationship stressors
Do you remember what you’d do for your partner when you first met? Almost anything, right? How and why does that passion, that spark, burn out? None of us see it coming, it simply creeps up on us. One day, we find that the love and attraction is gone. The truth is that there’s a process of depolarization that leads to other symptoms like resentment and a loss of commitment. It doesn’t need to be this way.
You have the power to change your destiny. If you understand the 5 core relationship stressors, then you have the know-how to restore its magic.
How to be supportive
Nearly every relationship will hit a rough patch at some point. Stressors at work or events in the world that are beyond your control will test your ability to empathize, understand and support one another. Yet it is these moments when it’s more important than ever to learn how to be supportive.
When you start from a place of trust and total acceptance in your relationship, you’ll create a foundation that can support your partner no matter what. Discover how to build these skills and strengthen your relationship.
How to avoid arguments in a relationship
Do you feel like you and your partner are constantly arguing? And would you believe that arguing is actually a choice? It’s true – in fact, every action we take in life is a choice. We can choose to look at our partnership as a competition, or we can choose to put our relationship first and elevate our partner’s needs over our own need to be “right.”
It’s time to stop bickering and learn how to avoid and defuse arguments before they become full-blown problems. Use this relationship guide to turn your unproductive patterns into productive conversations.
Watching your tone
You’ve heard the saying, “It’s not what you say, it’s how you say it.” Even if your words are carefully chosen, your tone of voice plays a big part in the way your message is received – especially in relationships. Need your partner to help out more around the house or just take a minute to understand your point of view? An accusatory or shaming tone won’t help your cause.
Learn about the elements of your tone of voice – pitch, volume, pace and timbre – and how you can leverage them to get your message across in a way that will get you the result you desire.
Falling in love with yourself
The most important relationship you will ever have is the one you have with yourself. Without self-love and acceptance, you’ll never be able to be truly vulnerable in a relationship or give yourself fully to another human being. And you’ll never create the cycle of positivity that will bring you the healthy and loving relationship you deserve.
Stop holding yourself back from a fulfilling relationship. Crush your limiting beliefs, achieve total confidence and improve the quality of your life with this relationship guide.
How good of a partner are you?
Relationships can be defined by your level of commitment. Is it all about you or do you split the work equally? Or, are you and your partner totally devoted to each other? The quality of a partner, and therefore the quality of a relationship, can be defined by how world-centric of a view you hold. Do you deeply care about your partner’s needs, or only your own?
Change starts with you. If you’re truly dedicated to reigniting the fire in your relationship, evaluate how good of a partner you actually are.
The Ultimate Relationship Assessment
A strong relationship is built on honesty and trust, which starts with honesty with yourself. Where are you in your relationship? Are you head-over-heels in love? Or, ready to run? Now, ask yourself this: where do you want to be? If you are true to yourself and know where you stand, and you have clarity in where you want to go, you can achieve the relationship of your dreams.
Where does your relationship stand? Be true to yourself and you will find clarity. Take the ultimate relationship test.
Frequently Asked Questions
How do I know if I am in a healthy relationship?
All truly extraordinary love affairs share one thing: they are the result of commitment to the ongoing mastery of fundamental relationship skills. Daily practice of these skills is a must. Building the habits and patterns that create and maintain an extraordinary relationship requires conscious application and repetition. Once these habits become muscle memory and you’ve established momentum, the beautiful, passionate relationship you deserve will follow and endure.
Learn more about forging the healthy relationship you deserve.
How can relationship coaching help my relationship?
Relationship coaching can teach you how to harness the emotional power of your personal relationships in order to find true fulfillment. Finding greater passion means never feeling resigned or complacent in your relationships. Coaching is the answer to ensuring you are pursuing the romantic goals that truly matter to you and your partner, in order to sustain the attraction, love, and passion between you.
In the Ultimate Relationship Program, you can identify where you currently are in your relationships, where you truly want to be and how you can get there. Tony and Sage Robbins share what they have learned together over time and provide you with insights, principles and results-oriented tools you can use as a couple.
No matter what your past experiences have been like or what your current relationship status is, you have unlimited potential for creating something lasting, richer and deeper within yourself. This is the ultimate goal of love coaching.
How do I handle my partner's stress?
When you’re stressed, it’s too easy to get sucked into thinking that it’s all about you, and that your problems are yours alone. The truth is that stress does not work in a vacuum; it is a highly contagious disease. Stress eventually affects everyone around you — no one more than your partner. Don’t empower a negative feedback cycle that fuels negative emotions in you both; read about how to fight Stress: The contagious disease.
How do you and your partner rate when it comes to being supportive in stressful times? Does stress cause fighting and conflict, or prompt withdrawal and disconnection? Or do you see stress as an opportunity for creating new closeness within your relationship? Learning to put your partner’s needs first in times of stress may seem challenging, but the emotional dividends it yields are immeasurable.
The fact is that stress enters all relationships from time to time. The question is whether you can use stress to the advantage of your relationship as an intimacy-building tool. Can you use the challenge of stress like a bodybuilder uses a weight to challenge their physical strength? By “working out” your ability to support your partner through stress, you gain intimacy and power — and build up your emotional muscle for the long run.
What resources can my partner and I use to improve our relationship?
It’s a fantastic feeling to recognize that not only are you in a relationship that you care about, but you’re also committed to making that relationship even better. If you’re here reading this, that’s the powerful position you’ve taken.
There are so many ways you can take action right now and experience what’s possible in your relationship. Learn how to transform your beliefs, discover key understandings and eliminate your fears with the Crazy Making to Love Making program. Or, take on the biggest challenge of all: master the fundamental emotional and cognitive skills essential to creating your ideal relationship with the Ultimate Relationship Program.