One of the most important things in life is love. When you’re in an intimate, passionate, connected relationship and you anticipate your partner’s needs, it’s an experience of pure ecstasy and joy – but it’s an experience that many people never get to enjoy. How is it that so many people are looking for love, but are unable to build lasting, extraordinary relationships? One of the most painful experiences in life is finding love, then having your partnership devolve into the percentage of relationships that fail. Did you know the divorce rate for first marriages is 41-51%?
We often ask ourselves why relationships fail. We tell ourselves “It’s just fate” or “It wasn’t meant to be,” trying to absolve ourselves of all responsibility. The truth is, the success of your relationship is entirely within your control. Many of us get caught up in the game of relationship roulette, hoping for the best but leaving the success of the relationship up to chance. This won’t get you anywhere. No matter how close you are to your partner, the only person you can change in a relationship is yourself. To experience real, lasting love, you have to take control of your union and make it the happy connection you want it to be. You must care for your relationship like you would a sick child, taking action at the first signs your relationship is failing to prevent further deterioration.
So why do relationships fail and how can you prime yourself for a better chance at success? Read on to discover more about what causes relationships to break down and how you can save yours.
What brings people together? What are some reasons why relationships fail? A couple that was deeply, passionately in love can find themselves feeling alone, trapped and misunderstood within a matter of just a few years. By the time you notice the signs your relationship is failing, you may have already missed the triggers that weakened your relationship in the first place.
A primary stressor on any romantic relationship is that falling in love, however wonderful, is often synonymous with a loss of freedom and passion. This can eat away at a couple, leading them to see each other as adversaries and jailers rather than equal partners and lovers.
What if instead of looking at the individual liberties lost during a relationship, you focused on all the things you’re gaining by being with your partner?
To create a happy, long-lasting relationship, you have to not only appreciate the good times, but work through the bad times, too. Relationship issues are different for every couple, but there are six triggers in a relationship that can create tremendous uncertainty and conflict. These triggers are often why relationships fail:
Any one of these triggers can put stress on your relationship. Two or more can make those in the relationship wonder why they’re sticking around and whether the grass might not be greener with someone else – or even alone. It’s no wonder that, of the percentage of relationships that fail, unresolved stressors played a role in the relationship’s demise.
None of the aforementioned triggers needs to be fatal to your relationship. Rather than interpret triggers as signs your relationship is failing, recognize them as indicators that you need to take action. Here are some practical strategies for understanding not only why relationships fail, but how to salvage a struggling partnership.
The key to maintaining a happy, healthy partnership is to treat your partner with compassion in times of happiness and in stress. As you do this, you’ll gain clarity about these triggers and the needs of your partner, some of which you may have ignored or been oblivious to. Research on why relationships fail underscores the role of compassion in vibrant romantic relationships. Researchers studied 175 couples, and participants were asked to keep a journal documenting instances where either partner prioritized their partner’s needs. Participants also documented their own emotions each day.
The results were enlightening. When one partner noticed the other partner’s compassionate deeds, both partners felt an increase in positive effect. But when one partner didn’t notice the other partner’s efforts, the partner behaving compassionately still enjoyed an increase in positive effect by as much as 45%. Researchers concluded that, in addition to helping relationships succeed, being compassionate may very well be its own reward.
Improper communication is one of the most important reasons why relationships fail. When your communication does not facilitate mutual understanding, it only leads to further distress. But when you’re able to communicate with your partner and see their perspective, you’re taking massive action to eliminate signs your relationship is failing. To improve your connection, commit to being open and honest with your partner. Realize that you (and they) bring baggage from the past into your current partnership, and be willing to work on your own baggage. Open up the lines of communication and share your uncertainties and concerns with your partner. As you open up to them, they’ll return the favor. When this happens, you can start working to rekindle the spark and the passion that your relationship used to have.
Of the percentage of relationships that fail, it’s likely all of them suffered from a lack of empathy, leaving one or both partners feeling rejected and misunderstood. To help your relationship thrive, practice active listening so you’re understanding where your partner is coming from. This is the essence of empathy – understanding another’s perspective and finding cohesion between your point-of-view and theirs. You’ll find that practicing empathy helps you resolve conflicts and enjoy each other’s company.
No relationship is perfect, and there is a percentage of relationships that fail. There’s also a percentage of partnerships that flourish due to hard work by both parties. Every couple has ups and downs, but when you’re truly ready to commit to your partner, there are strategies to help you make your relationship the strongest it can be. At Unleash the Power Within, you’ll assess the current state of your relationship and identify what’s causing it to feel stagnant. Then, you’ll learn effective ways to put the spark back in your relationship.
Whether you attend alone or with your partner, you’ll learn about the power of polarity and how it affects your relationship. The multi-day event will make you recognize that something as important as your romantic relationship shouldn’t be left to chance, like a game of roulette. Your actions within your relationship must be thoughtful and intentional to ensure your relationship is a healthy, joyful one. Identify what you want from a romantic partner and learn how to create a loving, passionate relationship at Unleash the Power Within.
When you notice signs your relationship is failing, this is your cue to take action. Get additional support with Tony Robbins’ Ultimate Relationship Program. With the right tools, you can take your partnership to the next level.