14 ways to fall in love with yourself

One of Tony Robbins’ core messages is, “The quality of your relationships determines the quality of your life” – and that includes your relationship with yourself. Learning how to fall in love with yourself is essential to your own happiness, to your success in relationships and to the way you interact with the world. That’s because of the law of attraction: what you put out into the world, you get back ten-fold. When you fall in love with yourself, you’ll naturally spread that love out into the world, improving the quality of your life and others.

When you love yourself, you receive more love in return. When you exude confidence and joy, you’ll attract others with the same zest for living. This improves the quality of your relationships, which improves your life. The cycle is clear – and it all starts with falling in love with yourself. But where does self-love come from? And how can you build it? What are the best ways to fall in love with yourself?

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1. Be kind to yourself

It seems simple, but it can be one of the hardest acts of self-love to master. We grow up in a society that is always telling us how to look, how to live and even how to feel. If you’re wondering how to fall in love with yourself, the first step is to give yourself permission to be human. You don’t have to be a super-mom, a fitness model or a billionaire to be worthy of love. 

2. Change your self-talk

“Beliefs have the power to create and the power to destroy,” says Tony. The way you talk to yourself affects your mood and your behavior – and negative inner thoughts become a self-fulfilling prophecy. It’s OK to hold yourself to high standards and to feel negative emotions occasionally, but don’t get stuck in a cycle of negativity. Catch yourself when you fall into negative self-talk and make a conscious effort to change your words into something positive.

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3. Adjust your physical state

Your physical state – your posture, breath and movement – is the key to your emotional state. If you’re not feeling confident, try adjusting your body. Straighten your spine and throw your shoulders back. Raise your head high. Smile. Get in a power pose, like standing with your head raised and your arms in a “V” shape or crossed behind your head. These actions send signals to your brain that you’re proud and confident. And when you feel that way, it’s easy to fall in love with yourself.

4. Meditate 

Meditation is one way to not only change your breath – which is part of your physical state – but also to change your entire mindset. You can also try incantations, which are a vivid visualization of something you want, repeated with enthusiasm and belief. The phrase “I am worthy of love” said with a smile and a confident posture can go a long way to manifesting love in your life. Visualizing your goals is another form of meditation that can reprogram your brain into a state of self-love.

5. Create healthy relationships

It’s true that your most important relationship is with yourself, but that doesn’t mean you should allow negativity into your life. Surround yourself with people who care about you and think the best of you. Use the cardinal rules of love to create healthy relationships that bring positivity to your life, and let go of any relationships that aren’t supportive and caring. You won’t just fall in love with yourself – you’ll find your whole life improves.

6. Adopt an abundance mindset

When you practice gratitude and adopt an abundance mindset in everything you do, that will naturally bubble over into falling in love with yourself. Find the good in every situation, and stop reading too much into the negative. If you had a bad date, you might think, “I’ll never find love.” Neutralize that thought by thinking about all the love you already have from friends and family – and all the fun dates you’ve been on.

 

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7. Go off the grid

Taking the time to relax, recharge and reconnect with your core being can help you discover how to fall in love with yourself. If your brain is always on, you’re living in a heightened, unsustainable state. Self-reflection can affirm our sense of ourselves and help us learn from our mistakes. Richard Branson has his best ideas when he disconnects from his smartphone for days at a time. Author and businessman Tony Schwartz credits disconnecting with rediscovering a deeper part of himself. And the research on relaxation is clear: Giving your brain a break actually results in increased creativity and productivity, higher motivation and a sharper memory.

8. Practice self-care

When you love yourself, you treat yourself kindly, both emotionally and physically. You wouldn’t want a person you love to live in a stressed state of mind or to avoid doing things they love – so why allow yourself to do those things? Establishing habits of self-care, like eating healthy and exercising, can train your brain to think positively. The best way to fall in love with yourself is to create a life you love and surround yourself with people who love you – that makes loving yourself easy.

9. Have fun

Take the time to create joyful habits and do things that you love. Put on your favorite music and dance around the kitchen. Play a game with your kids or grandkids. Immerse yourself in a good book. Go for a hike and get out in nature. Give yourself a chance to get out of your own head, and you just might find you’re falling in love with the new, spontaneous you.

10. Do something you’re good at

Do you play an instrument, write short stories or grow the best tomatoes in town? Doing something you’re good at reinforces your confidence and shows you how to fall in love with yourself: by appreciating your own skills. If you can share them with others, that’s even better. You just might find others enjoy your talents, too.

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11. Push yourself

Of course, if we do things we’re good at, we’ll never grow. It’s essential to get out of your comfort zone and push your boundaries. Learn a new skill. Take a public speaking course. Join a singles group. You’ll see that you’re stronger, more resilient and more capable than you thought possible – and that’s how you really fall in love with yourself.

12. Take credit

Many of us are naturally modest. We’re often team-oriented and underplay our own accomplishments in the name of keeping harmony. But taking credit can be good for your self-esteem – and that can help you fall in love with yourself. If your neighbor compliments your piano-playing skills or your friends notice your new public speaking abilities, don’t downplay it. Give them sincere thanks, and take it to heart. You deserve praise.

13. Find your purpose

Finding your purpose is the ultimate way to learn how to fall in love with yourself. Purpose gives us a reason to get up in the morning and makes us a part of something larger than ourselves. It fulfills several of our 6 Human Needs, including significance, growth and contribution. But purpose rarely reaches out and knocks on our door. To find your purpose, you need to be honest with yourself. What are you most excited about in your life? What brings you joy? Once you uncover meaning in your life, you’ll start to see the bigger picture – and stop criticizing the smaller things.

14. Give back

The secret to living is giving. Giving back is the ultimate purpose in life and is also the secret to falling in love with yourself: When you have a sense of purpose, you’ll live confidently and stop looking for external affirmation. You know that you have intrinsic worth, because you have gifts to give the world. And when you truly believe that you are here for a reason, loving yourself comes naturally. Find your purpose and light a fire of self-love within you, and others will be attracted to the flames.

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Want to find a way to fall in love with yourself?

Fall in love with yourself by utilizing strategies from Tony Robbins’ Ultimate Relationships Guide.