How to connect with yourself

6 ways to connect with who you really are – and what you really want

It’s easier than ever to get lost in the day-to-day activities and stresses of the external world. Work, relationships, errands – our focus is almost always on anything and anyone but ourselves. For so many of us, it’s a constant effort to please others or be who we think we have to be in order to get the love, respect or appreciation we are after.

The question we must all really be asking is how to reconnect with ourselves.

Living without discovering how to connect with yourself is a game of stress and frustration. Because it’s not what we get or how we are perceived that makes us happy. It’s who we become – how we live our lives and who we are as a person. People can take away all of the “things,” but no one can take away who you are. Falling in love with yourself is vital to living a fulfilling life.

Self-connection is not just something you “should” do, it’s something you “must” do. If you want to reconnect with yourself, your life is likely less than fulfilling right now. You might be stuck in an unfulfilling job. You might not feel supported in your relationship or friendships. You could even be experiencing anxiety or depression. These are all symptoms that are telling you it’s time to discover how to reconnect with yourself.

1. Find your purpose

You don’t have to settle for less than you can be, share, give or create. Reconnecting with yourself gives you a chance to celebrate your gifts and understand what really drives you. When you know this, the more you can show up for others and the more you can add to the world around you. It’s time to determine what really drives you. What makes you feel the most alive. Your purpose in life.

Ask yourself: When am I the most happy? When I feel the most myself, what am I doing? How do I connect with myself when no one else is around? That’s your gift. Your essence. The key to how to reconnect with yourself. 

Discovering your purpose isn’t always easy. Humans get stuck in disempowering patterns that trap us in a cycle of failure. We hold limiting beliefs about what we can and cannot achieve in life. We follow a blueprint for happiness that we did not design, allowing society or our families to place expectations on us. We go after money, power and status without connecting it back to something larger – and that is how we fail.

2. Understand and meet your needs

how to connect with yourself

Your purpose is closely connected to the Six Human Needs: certainty, significance, variety, love/connection, growth or contribution. While every individual has all six of these needs, there is one for each person that is the most powerful. The one that drives our decisions and our behaviors – and that when met, makes us feel fulfilled.

If you crave contribution, your gift is likely connected to volunteering or doing good in the world. If you crave significance or connection, your purpose in life likely involves family and friends. Once you determine your top human need, you can begin to learn how to reconnect with yourself.

Don’t let your limiting beliefs make you think you don’t deserve to have your needs met. Stop constantly putting others before yourself, without filling your own cup first.  Once you identify your needs, meet them. Take a timeout for self-care. Ask others for what you need. Being your best self allows you to give even more from a place of fulfillment.

3. Find your voice

We tend to think of our voices in a functional capacity: used to communicate, to express ourselves, to entertain. But according to Edwin Coppard, renowned international voice coach and past speaker at Life Wealth Mastery, our voices also present a pathway to authentic self-connection.

As a child, Coppard contends, our voices were raw and unadulterated. They were loud, strong, and for all intents and purposes, there was no filter when we spoke. But as we grew up and began to internalize our surroundings and understand ourselves in the greater context, we began to suppress this natural voice in favor of a socialized mind voice.

This socialized mind voice disconnected us from the power and energy of our natural sound. When we spoke, we were no longer representing the self, but rather reflecting ideals and personas that aligned with society.

Coppard believes that through the power of song, we can step out of the way, allow the natural intelligence of our bodies to take over and rediscover the beauty of the “wild voice.” Through your voice, you can get in touch with your inner child and begin to learn how to connect with yourself. So put on your favorite song and sing along. Create a new song all your own. Learn an instrument. As Coppard explains in the video below, music will wake you up to your true self.

4.Reconnect with yourself physically

Dance is one of the ultimate means of self-expression. But did you know that it can also help answer the question of how to reconnect with yourself. That’s what the 5 Rhythms is all about.

Created and developed by Gabrielle Roth in the late 1970s, 5 Rhythms is essentially a dance and movement meditation practice. Based on the idea that dynamic movement can facilitate self-actualization, Roth maintained that putting the body in motion can release the heart, free the mind and allow the student to connect to the true essence of the soul, which is the source of inspiration in which an individual has unlimited creativity and potential.

The five rhythms flowing, staccato, chaos, lyrical and stillness are not sonic rhythms in the sense of drums or beats, but experiential rhythms that describe mental and emotional landscapes. That is, they are more like states of being. Each rhythm is interpreted by the student in his or her own unique way, and each is meant to help guide the student to move more mindfully, unpredictably and creatively. When practiced in sequence, these rhythms form a “wave” that allows the student to deepen his or her understanding of his or her natural truth and ground the mind by connecting back to the body.

5. Start a journal

reconnect with yourself

Like music, singing and the power of rhythm and dancing, writing can also play a role in self-connection. Writing about the way your events and experiences made you feel can help you identify and accept your emotions. Writing down your thoughts about current events or what happened to you that day can help you clarify your opinions. Writing down your ideas can make them stronger. As American author Flannery O’Connor said, “I write to discover what I know.” You can use it to discover what you know about yourself.

The benefits of journaling go beyond how to connect with yourself. It can help you ease anxiety, improve your memory and transform your mindset. It can help you focus on the positive. It can even help you achieve your goals.

Starting a journal is as easy as gaining confidence and grabbing a pen and a journal – but it takes commitment to build any new habit. Set time aside each day to write, even if it’s only for five minutes. You can start by recording the day’s events and how you felt about them, writing down things you’re grateful for or using a pre-made journal, like the Five Minute Journal. Anything that prompts reflection can help with self-connection.

6. Ask the right questions

The difference in the quality of people’s lives often comes down to the quality of the questions they consistently ask themselves. If you ask a disempowering question, such as “Why does this always happen to me?” your mental computer will look for an answer. To answer the question, your subconscious may even make something up, such as “Because you aren’t good enough” or “Because you are not smart enough.”

This negative self-talk will only prevent you from uncovering how to reconnect with yourself. But if you start asking yourself empowering questions, such as “How can I use this experience to appreciate myself more?” your brain will look for answers to this question and often come up with an answer that not only makes you feel better, but allows you to celebrate and reconnect with your true self.

This is why making the shift toward quality questions is so important. Because quality questions create a quality life. They direct our mental focus and ultimately determine how we think and feel. The key is to develop a pattern of questions that empower your true nature. For example, focus on quality questions such as:

•    What am I most happy about in my life now?
•    What am I most excited about in my life now?
•    What am I most proud about in my life now?
•    What am I most grateful about in my life now?
•    What am I enjoying most in my life right now?
•    What am I committed to in my life right now?
•    Who do I love?

By making quality questions part of your daily ritual, you will be able to access your most empowering emotional states. And over time, as you consistently practice doing so, you will be able to create mental highways to happiness, excitement, pride, gratitude, joy, commitment and love — which is who you are at your core.

Header image © AndreyYurlov/Shutterstock

Team Tony

Team Tony cultivates, curates and shares Tony Robbins’ stories and core principles, to help others achieve an extraordinary life.

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