When to leave a relationship
The desire for a healthy, passionate relationship is part of the human experience. Connection is one of the ten gifts of life: the gifts that give our lives purpose and meaning. It’s also one of the Six Human Needs, which drive every decision we make. Connection is vital to life – and that’s what can make it so hard to know when to leave a relationship.
Even when we recognize the signs to leave a relationship, it can still be difficult to work up the courage to give up your sense of connection, significance and certainty. You’ll need to dig deep and focus on yourself, your decisions and your ultimate happiness. That’s what’s most important in life.
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How to know when to leave a relationship
It isn’t always clear when to leave a relationship. How do you know if your partnership can be fixed, or is beyond repair? Of course, emotional and physical abuse are always signs to leave a relationship. But if you’re not sure, the signs may be more subtle.
You no longer communicate
Communication is crucial in every relationship, but especially romantic ones. Communication problems are one of the top three causes of marriage failure in America. If you’re constantly fighting and seem unable to resolve conflict, that could be a sign of when to leave a relationship. While you can learn how to avoid arguments, you may not be able to fix deeper problems that a lack of communication indicates.
You don’t feel valued
Relationships are places that we go to give, not places that we go to take. If both partners are giving equally, the relationship will work. But if your partner takes you for granted or doesn’t respect you, that means trouble. Sometimes this is a result of relationship stressors that can be fixed. If you feel deeply that your partner no longer values you, it could be time to leave.
The passion is gone
Tony teaches that there are Six Stages of a Relationship. Number one is a passionate, intimate and electric connection. That connection is a result of your polarity with your partner. If you’re not feeling that anymore – and you don’t have the desire to fix the situation – that’s one of the biggest signs to leave a relationship. But if you do want to regain your polarity, don’t give up yet. It’s often possible to reignite the passion.
You don’t want to fix it
The key to how to know when to leave a relationship is your desire to fix it: if you’re willing to put in the work, it’s possible to create a fulfilling relationship. But if you’re planning your escape, which is stage four of the Six Stages of a Relationship, it’s time to move on. If you’re contemplating life without your partner, you’re past the point of wanting – or being able – to fix the relationship. Find the courage to leave.
Finding the courage to leave a bad relationship
Even when you’re able to evaluate your situation and discover how to know when to leave a relationship, it can still be difficult to act. Ultimately finding the courage to leave a relationship is about making a decision and turning “shoulds” into “musts.” When you turn “I should leave this relationship” into “I must leave this relationship because I’m certain it’s the right decision,” you’ll reveal your inner strength and be able to leave once and for all.
1. Recognize your desire for certainty
The first step is to recognize what’s preventing you from knowing when to say goodbye in the first place: certainty. Humans are hard-wired to seek out pleasure and avoid pain. It’s this desire for certainty that can keep us in bad relationships long past their expiration date. Recognize this deep human need, and you’ll shift your perspective and fulfill it without turning to unhealthy relationships.
2. Face your limiting beliefs
In addition to our human needs, we all carry around limiting beliefs that prevent us from reaching our full potential. Are limiting beliefs about being single keeping you from finding the courage to leave a bad relationship? Do you feel unworthy of a healthy relationship? Do you feel no one else will love you? When you learn to change these stories, you’ll change your life.
3. Raise your standards
Limiting beliefs are what keep us from turning “shoulds” into “musts.” Recognizing them and taking away their power is the first step to raising your standards and upgrading your relationships – and your life. As Tony says, “You don’t always get your goals, but you always get your standards.” Make the decision to stop settling for less, and you’ll transform your relationships from ordinary to extraordinary.
4. Empower yourself
When you feel empowered, you feel truly unstoppable. To become more empowered, learn how to change your self-talk and replace negativity with positivity. Replace bad habits with healthy ones, like exercise, eating well and practicing self-care. Use priming to set intentions and improve focus. With empowering rituals, you’ll become more certain in your decisions – and you’re certain that you know when to leave a relationship.
Still not sure how to know when to leave a relationship?
Finding the right support system is essential to leaving a relationship. Sign up for a free 30-minute session with Tony Robbins Results Coach to learn how they can help.