Change your words, change your life

How to identify and change limiting beliefs, Change your story. Change your life

Download now

The world’s greatest leaders and progressive thinkers have always used the power of words to transform our emotions to help inspire others toward their vision and create actionable change. From Winston Churchill’s focus on the “finest hour” to Martin Luther King, Jr.’s depiction of a “dream,” it’s evident that words shape our entire existence.

But what about our own ability to use words internally to change our lives for the better – words that will ignite change, inspire action and improve our quality of life? Can you change your words, and change your life?

Our words are a vehicle for expressing and sharing our experiences with others, but you may not realize the far-reaching impacts of the words you use on a daily basis. As I like to explain, “The words you attach to your experience become your experience. Language is one of the keys to shifting your mind, shifting your body and shifting your results.” If your internal self-talk is negative, chances are that your external experiences will be negative as well.

Over the past 40 years, I’ve had the privilege of working with more than 50 million people worldwide and I’ve witnessed the power that changing just one key word in a person’s vocabulary can have on the way a person feels – and how that person behaves.

By changing your habitual vocabulary – the words you consistently use to describe emotions – you can instantaneously change how you think, how you feel and how you live. When you change your words, you change your mindset. This works with the Organizational Change Management style as well.

How can words inspire change? Make your internal vocabulary more positive, and you’ll soon find out. The positive external experiences you’ll discover will amaze you. This is the power of transformational vocabulary – consciously using your words to improve and change your life.

Why is it difficult to change your words and change your mindset?

According to Compton’s Encyclopedia, the English language contains some 500,000 words. Yet, the average person’s working vocabulary consists of only 2,000 – 0.5% of the entire language. So how many words make up our habitual vocabulary? For most people, it averages around 200–300 words. (By contrast, John Milton’s writings used about 17,000 words and William Shakespeare used 24,000 words, 5,000 of which he only used one time.) Of those 500,000 words, about 3,000 are used to describe emotions – two-thirds of which are used to describe negative emotions.

With all of these readily-available ways to express our feelings and ideas, why are we comfortable with such an impoverished vocabulary? Our brains are working at high speeds, processing information and working to become more efficient. As a result, we resort to using the same vocabulary over and over again. In the pursuit of efficiency, we often create shortcuts that then shortchange us emotionally.

How to change your words

The human brain likes to take shortcuts. It conserves energy – and it also keeps us stuck in patterns that don’t always benefit us. The brain also likes certainty, one of our top human needs. Some certainty is beneficial, but too much of it prevents us from growing. To change your words – and change your life – you need to overcome both of these innate human tendencies and shift your way of thinking.

1. Understand the power of labeling

I first became aware of the power of labeling emotions during an intense negotiation, more than a decade and a half ago. I shared information with the other party, thinking it would help my business partners and me cut through the positioning and show good faith. Unfortunately, the other party leveraged that information in an attempt to close the deal in an unjust way.

To say it was upsetting at the time would be an understatement.

After the meeting, I was disappointed and angry, but the intensity of one of my partners baffled me. He was enraged and felt that the other party was “putting a gun to our head.” His face was beet red and he was out of control as I tried to calm him down. The intensity of his emotions struck me because it seemed over-the-top compared to my frustration. On the other hand, our other partner seemed completely unmoved by the experience.

When I asked him, “You don’t seem to be upset by this. Aren’t you angry?” He said, “Well, no, not really. I’m a little annoyed by this.” I was incredulous. “Annoyed?” I asked, “Don’t you realize what these people have done?” He said, “Of course I do. I’m certainly a bit peeved.” “Peeved?” I echoed. “What do you mean, peeved?” To which he responded, “Well, it’s really just not worth being upset over and that’s how I feel.”

I was struck by how each of us used words with such varied levels of intensity, and also how the meaning we gave to our experiences of the event were so radically different. How could it be that I was frustrated, one of my partners was enraged and my other partner was a bit peeved?

I pondered the word, “peeved.” What a ridiculous word to describe what these people had done to us. I would never use this word to describe how I was feeling, but then again, I had never been that calm in an unjust situation. I began to wonder, what if I stayed calm and labeled this injustice as “peeving me?” Just to use the word would probably make me laugh. Maybe he was on to something. Maybe my partner had already discovered that when you change your words, you change your life.

“Language shapes our behavior and each word we use is imbued with multitudes of personal meaning. The right words spoken in the right way can bring us love, money and respect, while the wrong words—or even the right words spoken in the wrong way – can lead a country o war. We must carefully orchestrate our speech if we want to achieve our goals and bring our dreams to fruition. — Dr. Andrew Newberg, Words Can Change Your Brain”2. Identify your self-talk

For more than two decades, I’ve been testing live audiences all around the world, asking them to take on this task: Make a list of the emotions you feel at least once a week.

Go ahead. Take ten minutes and write down all the emotions you feel at least once a week (not emotions you feel once a month or year). What did you come up with?

Astonishingly, whether the audience consists of 2,000 or 30,000 people, 90% of the people write down an average of a dozen words – more than half of which represent negative feelings. That means that out of the 3,000 words we have for emotions, most people list less than six words to describe good feelings. But the words for their bad feelings are more readily available, stored and remembered.

Have you ever taken the time to think about which words you habitually use and how they affect your life and well-being? Negative self-talk and negative emotional labeling stem from your limiting beliefs and affect all of your emotions – which in turn affect your decisions, behaviors and experiences of life.

Let’s look at this phenomenon in another light. What if a person was asked the same question and listed 30 positive emotions? How happy and fulfilled do you think that person is in life?

The problem is that our default setting isn’t to consciously choose our words to describe our emotions. When we experience distressing emotions, we unconsciously fall back on our habitual vocabulary. The words we attach to our experience become our experience. Words have a biochemical effect on the body. The minute you use a word like “devastated,” you’re going to produce a very different biochemical effect than if you say, “I’m a bit disappointed.”

It’s not hard to see the impact of language when we look at how we feel when other people speak to us. For example, if someone said to you, “I think you’re mistaken,” versus, “I think you’re wrong,” versus, “You’re lying,” would you have a different biochemical response to that phrase? The same exact process happens with the words you use to speak to yourself. When you learn to change your words, change your mindset and change your life, it’s because you’re changing these inherent responses.

3. Challenge yourself to change your words, change your life

Is it possible that the words we attach to our experience actually become our experience? Do words have a biochemical effect? Let’s go back to the business meeting that left my partner “peeved.” For the next few weeks after that meeting, I began to notice the different language patterns of others and how they magnified or softened their emotions. Can a change in words lead to a change in state?

It was time to test this theory. I created a 10-day challenge for myself. First, I would have to identify my emotional habits. Then, I would consciously replace these with a new word to break my default pattern of thought and feeling.

I got my first opportunity after a long series of connecting flights, all of which were late. I arrived at my hotel at two a.m., knowing I had to be up to speak at eight a.m. I waited another 10 minutes at the front desk while the clerk slowly searched for my name in the computer. The frustration compounded until it turned to anger. Suddenly, I turned to the man and said, “I know this isn’t your fault, but right now I’m exhausted and I really need to get any room you can find for me because I’m feeling a little bit peeved.”

Just saying that word changed the tone of my voice and made the whole situation seem silly. The clerk looked at me in confusion before breaking into a big smile. I smiled back; my pattern was broken. As ridiculous as it sounds, the replacement word broke my pattern of anger. The emotional volcano building inside of me instantly cooled. So how can words inspire change? It starts with a change inside of you.

4. Shift your emotional patterns over the long-term

Could it really be this easy? Just by changing the words we habitually use to describe our emotions, could we change our feelings and the quality of our lives? Ten days turned into a month and I can tell you, beyond a shadow of a doubt, it was a life-transforming experience.

This is not to say there won’t be times when you feel angry or enraged, but wouldn’t it be nice to have that be a conscious choice as opposed to a habitual negative reaction? We can be proactive in choosing our emotions – we can make experiences more pleasurable.

If you’re wondering how to change your words and change your life in the easiest way possible, start with one word. Replace one word that will transform the way you experience something “negative.” Shifting your mindset is the key to shaping your decisions, actions and life. This is how you create a choice instead of a habitual reaction.

Transformational vocabulary gives you the power to change your experiences in life by lowering the intensity of negative emotions to the point where they no longer control you. It can also be used to take positive experiences and increase them to even greater heights of pleasure.

How extraordinary will your life be when you consistently lower the intensity of negative emotions and intensify the positive ones? Start small. Note the negative words you use on a consistent basis and ask yourself how you can change them. Can you be “peeved” instead of “devastated?” On the other hand, can you feel “ecstatic” instead of “pleased?” When you change your words, you change your mindset. Start creating beneficial habits today, and you’ll quickly reach a more positive, joyful state.

Header image © Shutterstock/Antonio Guillem

a man in a blue shirt is watching a baseball game from the stands .
Mindset

How To Find A Life Coach With Tony Robbins

Where are you in life? Do you want to reach a new level of success, but you’re not sure how to proceed? Have you been wondering how to find a life coach? Maybe you know you need a major change, but feel paralyzed by indecision. No matter your goals, working 1-on-1 with a professional coach can help. With a coach by your side, you’ll stay focused and accountable to the goals you set. The best life coaches can teach you proven strategies and tools that turn your dreams into reality.

Mindset, Happiness

Cultivating joy, peace, and love with the power of being you

Make 2024 your best year ever with this special gift from Tony Robbins Imagine our world if each of us took a moment to pause more often and reflect. What if we were more attuned to the miracle of everyday life? Amidst our hectic schedules and the continual pursuit of progress, there is an invitation to […]

Mindset

Shape your best year ever at the 2024 time to rise summit

Create a Success Plan for 2024 Live at This Free January Event with Tony Robbins Become the Person You Were Meant to Be in 2024 With Tony Robbins on January 25-27 When… will you become the person, you were always meant to be?When… will the world experience the true greatness that lies within you?When… will […]

Mindset

How to Live a Fulfilling Life

You can’t always control the circumstances of your life, but you can choose to have an extraordinary life. There’s no shortage of advice on happiness and how to live a fulfilling life. But most of it lies at one of two extremes. You either focus on achieving external goals – like more money, vibrant health, and better relationships – or […]

Mindset

How to change your life with just one simple story

Uncover the unseen forces that define your destiny and transform yourself completely. Ever wonder what’s really steering your decisions and shaping your life? What unseen force causes someone with little resources to radiate joy, while another person feels miserable despite having all the success in the world? It’s not just your hard work or your […]

a woman in a suit is raising her arms in the air .
Mindset

6 Simple Steps to Mastering Your Emotions

Emotions are the lifeblood of the human experience. They’re the driving forces that shape our decisions, actions, and reactions. Whether it’s the passionate love that leads to marriage or the rage that can incite war, emotions are the ultimate power – the core of what calls us to action. Yet, many of us struggle to […]

  • Tony's Business Coach Strategy

    Change your story

    Master Tony’s proven strategies to create endless momentum and change the trajectory of your life.

    View upcoming events
  • Coaching for entrepreneurs

    Become the best version of yourself

    Connect with like-minded individuals and start living the life of your dreams.

    View all programs