As a couples therapist, I am all too familiar with the Valentine’s Day illusion. For one night, you remember the three keys to passion. For one night, you romance the beautiful creature you are lucky enough to be spending your life with. And then, after the roadside rose stands pack up and go home, you forget to make love intentional. And after Valentine’s Day, things go back to stir fry and Netflix instead of seduction, strawberries, and sizzle. But fear not – I have a prescription for the post-Valentine’s Day blues.
“Oh no,” I can hear you thinking. “Here it comes. She’s going to tell me to work on my relationship.”
Nope. I’m going to tell you to change your mindset and make your love life your hobby. Think about that a minute. What defines a hobby? Well, a hobby is something you do because you want to. You enjoy doing it, you make time for it, and you prioritize it. You carve out time for watercolor painting or cross-country skiing. And you strive to improve – you hire a personal trainer, read a “how to make great origami” book, or decide to try a painting class at the Louvre next summer. So, what would happen if you apply that same focused energy to your erotic life? After all, the one thing that sets your romantic relationship apart from every other relationship in your life is your sensuality. So let’s make this year different. Forget the chocolates and flowers – I want you to give your lover the gift that keeps on giving. Decide to prioritize passion, all year long. It’s time to make your love life your new hobby.
Transform relationships with 9 keys to passion and intimacy
Download nowHere are my top tips to help you keep the buzz alive over the long term:
1. Explore the entire spectrum of sensuality
If you want to master the Sensuality side of the Passion Triangle, you need to activate your imagination and wake up all five senses. Like too many couples, your lovemaking might have turned into what I call “Nipple Nipple Crotch Goodnight.” You know what I’m talking about. We tend to reduce our sexual life to the familiar and the habitual – forgetting that there is almost no limit to what two bodies, two hearts, two imaginations can do. That’s like playing one hole of golf, over and over, the same way – when all the magnificent, sexy, golf courses of the world await you. So here’s a challenge. Each time you make love, do at least one small thing differently. After all, novelty creates that sense of Thrill – the unexpected, the exciting, and the pleasurable.
