Are you with the right person?

Tony explains the importance of selecting your partner consciously

Is love enough? Or does it take something more than love to create an extraordinary relationship that will go the distance?

Deciding who to spend the rest of your life with one of the most important decisions you will make. So why is it that so many of us go into this decision blindly? We see red flags and ignore them in the name of love. We think affection and time will work it out for us.

But will it? Or will it lead us down a path of pain, heartbreak and disappointment?

In this episode, listen in as Tony talks to a woman, Cheryl, who is struggling with a stumbling block in her marriage. Nine years into their relationship, her husband has revealed he does not want children. They are compatible in every other aspect except for this one life choice.

Cheryl is asking herself if their love is enough to get them through this rough patch – a major split where their personal goals don’t align. Will her husband eventually change his mind when he sees that children are important to her? Or will he show the ultimate love and let her pursue her growth and happiness with someone else?

Tony shares why it takes more than love to support a long-term relationship. While it may not sound sexy, it can be useful to apply the same logic to dating as you would to hiring for a business. Your heart, like your time and budget, is valuable. 

It’s possible to be in love with a person while holding very different goals in life. In movies, “opposites attract” seems like a fun whirlwind adventure. In real life, incompatibility gets messy and can lead down a long road of sadness and disappointment. How can we grow a healthy and fulfilling relationship if we are constantly disappointed in a partner whose goals don’t match ours?

We don’t need to pair off with clones, but we do need to check in early – and often – on priorities that could be a deal-breaker down the line.

To avoid heartbreak, apply interview logic when looking at your relationship. Ask yourself: Can the person you love do the job of being your long-term partner? Are they willing to do it long-term? Do you fit together as a team? Are your goals aligned?

There is no question that love and passion are vital to a healthy relationship. But are they enough?This episode of the Tony Robbins podcast is part of a series that takes you, the listener, to events like Date with Destiny, Unleash the Power Within and Business Mastery. Hear Tony coach attendees one-one-one through transformative breakthroughs.

"women don't care if you remember, they care that you are present." - tony robbins


[01:11] Episode introduction
[02:25] Her husband wants a separation
[03:10] Feeling like a failure
[03:50] The questions you must ask
[04:10] Can they do the job?
[04:45] Will they do the job long term?
[05:05] Are the goals aligned?
[05:20] Tony’s search for a personal assistant
[09:25] Is their nature reinforced by the job
[09:55] Are they the right team fit?
[10:10] How Tony learned the importance of team fit
[10:30] Team fit comes down to human needs
[12:10] Love is not enough
[13:10] Her husband’s fears
[13:30] How each of their desires shifted
[14:50] Actions don’t always reflect the truth
[16:20] Understanding where her husband is coming from
[18:50] Frustration means something is still possible
[19:10] Weighing her options
[20:45] Envisioning life down each path
[22:00] Be mindful of judgment that blocks intimacy
[22:25] Exploring your options
[24:45] Looking within

Team Tony

Team Tony cultivates, curates and shares Tony Robbins’ stories and core principles, to help others achieve an extraordinary life.

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