How to be truly present

Are you truly present in your own life? The truth is that so many people don’t give themselves the gift of presence. We tend to focus entirely on the future or, at times, in the past. Part of it is instinctual; the human brain is wired to look for trouble, and as a result we’re always scanning ahead, looking for potential threats or trying to make ourselves strong enough to face them.

This is how we’ve survived as a species. But the constant scanning ahead to find that next problem we need to overcome or that new threat on the horizon does more harm than good in the context of a relationship. Instead of searching for predators who might harm us, we seek what we don’t have. You know the feeling: “Once I get that promotion/finish that book/fit into those pants, then I’ll be worthy. I’ll be ready to focus on the good stuff in life.”

This constant search for what’s wrong instead of what’s right, this development into “becoming somebody,” as Tony puts it, costs us the ability to be present in the now.

Finding fulfillment in the now

We’ve all heard of the power of now, yet we’re constantly thinking about the past or worrying about the future. By telling yourself “I’ll do this after that,” all you are really doing is setting up a moving target you’ll never hit. You’ll have success in one venture, and then look for another. Your eye is always on the future with the vague thought that after this next victory you’ll start paying attention to the things you care about. These thoughts stem from fear that we aren’t good enough, and will never be good enough.

As Tony says, “The road to someday leads to a town called Nowhere.” When you continue putting off being fully present in your own life, you deny yourself fulfillment, joy, gratitude and happiness. You must accept that the only thing that’s real is now. Everything else is something you’ve made up about the future or it’s a memory. And even memories often are tainted. Living in the memory of the past is no way to go through life.

Give yourself the gift of presence

If you want to give yourself the greatest gift of life, learn how to experience it fully instead of remembering it. Train yourself to bring your undivided attention to this moment and look for what is beautiful. Find the joy in the moment, right now. Slow down. Look into the eyes of those you love. Be fully present for them.

Stop obsessing about the past and the future. Have a moment with yourself, your partner, your family. Choose to find the beauty in the moment. Take a chance to connect. Breathe deeply, feel the light of those around you. As long as we’re alive, it’s all a gift. Your presence is a gift to yourself and to those you love.