How to get over fear of rejection
Rejection hurts. There’s no way around it. Sometimes in life, we take risks that don’t pay off. We set our sights on a goal but fall short. We go after a job or a relationship and we get turned down. These failures are a part of life – yet they can lead to a fear of rejection that causes us to give up on our dreams.
Everyone has a different risk tolerance. But a life where we completely avoid risk isn’t a life worth living. Taking a risk can lead to failure – and it can also lead to massive success, joy, fulfillment and meaning. Learning how to get over fear of rejection is worth it. You’ll unlock a newfound confidence that will transform your life.
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Fear of rejection causes
All of our fears – fear of rejection, fear of failure or fear of change – are based on our limiting beliefs. Limiting beliefs are the stories we tell ourselves about who we really are. They’re often formed in childhood, but they can hold us back for the rest of our lives. If you were abandoned by the person whose love you craved most or were bullied in school or criticized by your caretakers, you likely developed limiting beliefs that cause your fear of rejection.
The causes of fear of rejection are then exacerbated by our Six Human Needs, specifically the need for certainty. Humans are designed to avoid pain and seek pleasure. Being certain that we will feel good is one of our most powerful needs. It drives us to avoid rejection, failure and change, but the cost is great. We also avoid the things that make life worth living: loving relationships, fulfilling work and personal growth – another of the Six Human Needs.
Consequences of the fear of rejection
Wondering why you can’t seem to find a fulfilling relationship or land your dream job? Your fear of rejection is negatively affecting your life, whether you know it or not. Letting fear rule your life always has consequences. The problem is often that we don’t notice these consequences until it’s too late – and they’ve already turned into regrets.
The fear of rejection can even become a self-fulfilling prophecy. When you are so focused on others rejecting you, you may actually invite more rejection. This is the law of attraction: You get what you focus on. If you focus on what you don’t want, you’ll get what you don’t want, instead of what you do want.
In the end, you’re missing out on some of life’s greatest gifts. It’s time to stop letting fear keep you from achieving your dreams and learn how to get over fear of rejection.
How to overcome fear of rejection
Conquering fear is one of life’s greatest achievements. You can learn how to get over fear of rejection and go after your dreams with confidence and enthusiasm.
1. Break down limiting beliefs
Your beliefs create your world – and they’re the only thing holding you back from having everything you ever dreamed of. If you have a fear of rejection, you need to break down limiting beliefs around your own self-worth and skills. Do you believe that rejection is a reflection of your worth? It isn’t. Do you believe you aren’t deserving of a fulfilling career? You are. These are the beliefs you need to identify and change.
2. Let go of the past
Many of our limiting beliefs come from our past experiences – but your past does not determine your future, unless you live there. If you’re wondering how to overcome fear of rejection, you’ve likely been rejected in the past and took it very personally. You must let go of the past, release the hurt and shame you felt and realize that rejection doesn’t make you any less worthy of happiness.
3. Change your story
Once you’ve broken down your limiting beliefs around the fear of rejection, you can replace them with empowering ones that propel you forward instead of holding you back. Catch negative self-talk and use positive words instead. You are deserving of a career you love and a healthy relationship. Failure does not make you less deserving of these things. When you change your story, you change your life.
4. Build inner strength
Successful people fail constantly. The difference is that they quickly pick themselves up, learn the lesson and get back in the game. How can they do this? They all have one thing in common: inner strength. They believe that life happens for you, not to you. This perspective allows them to reframe obstacles as opportunities and create a deep, unstoppable belief in themselves.
5. Shift your focus
There’s another vital shift you must make to learn how to overcome fear of rejection: your focus. Where focus goes, energy flows. As Tony says, “People who fail focus on what they have to go through; people who succeed focus on what it will feel like at the end.” Focus on the positive end result – and the specific, direct actions you can take to get there – and that’s what you will get.
6. Control your emotions
Are you in control of your emotions – or do they control you? No matter what causes fear of rejection, it’s an emotion like any other, and it can be mastered. Learn how to identify what you’re feeling, accept what that emotion is telling you and then create a breakthrough. That’s how you’ll learn how to get over fear of rejection.
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