Jordan Harbinger on social influence
How nonverbal communication and first impressions impact our actions and reactions
Building a better business starts with building better relationships. The relationships you have with your employees, with your customers, with your vendors, colleagues, contacts and investors – these can all help you build social capital. And social capital can become one of the most powerful tools in your arsenal, as it creates a level of trust, understanding and even loyalty that will allow your business to thrive, even in uncertain times. In short, social capital is power.
In this episode of the Tony Robbins, we speak with Jordan Harbinger. A Wall Street lawyer turned talk show host, Jordan is widely regarded as an expert in social influence, interpersonal dynamics and social engineering.
Jordan’s company, The Art of Charm, holds boot camps and training sessions for companies and individuals that want to learn the elements of emotional intelligence to become more persuasive, confident and charismatic.
Jordan delves into the role that communication plays when it comes to building social relationships, and the importance of understanding nonverbal cues and gestures. From your facial expressions to the you we carry yourself, every single non-verbal notion has the potential to communicate specific attributes about who you are as a person – whether you are insecure or confident, approachable or aloof, curious or disinterested. Because human beings are wired to subconsciously interpret these signals. And we are innately inclined to make sweeping judgments and inferences from body language. These judgments can ultimately influence meaningful life decisions; like who we choose to employ or engage with. And Jordan helps us understand how these nonverbal signals influence our relationships, our interactions, and our abilities to get what we want in life.
[01:30] The importance of social capital
[02:00] Nonverbal cues and gestures communicate more than words do
[02:40] How we interpret and react to nonverbal communication
[03:00] Jordan Harbinger
[03:40] Jordan introduces himself and how he became the host of The Art of Charm
[04:30] His former career as a lawyer
[05:30] His first lesson on creating value
[06:20] The value of creating relationships
[08:00] Most of us aren’t prepared for understanding the value of making relationships
[09:30] Evidence that introverts are actually better at creating relationships
[10:00] Introverts think deeply, observe people well and develop strong rapport
[10:30] Learning to leverage your personality
[11:50] The basic skills and techniques everyone should master
[12:15] The importance of non-verbal communication skills
[12:35] Our first impression is not made when we decide to make it
[13:50] The way we make first impressions and decisions about whether to engage or not
[15:30] We preframe people in a way that makes us feel comfortable
[16:15] We are being perceived non-verbally constantly by other people
[17:30] The truth behind over-confident individuals and our subconscious filter
[19:15] Our bodies are really terrible at lying
[20:10] Our innate ability to perceive non-verbal communication
[20:45] The gestures that can give off a good impression
[21:05] Creating “comfort” in social settings
[21:30] We naturally mirror other people, particularly their emotional states
[22:15] When we focus on the outcome, we get nervous
[23:00] Practice “coming into our own skin”
[23:30] Physical state change begets emotional transformation
[24:00] Practice mastering the skill of finding comfort
[25:00] The doorway drill
[26:15] We never rise to the level of our expectations, we default to the level of our training
[27:00] Creating a habit of open, positive body language
[29:45] Starting the positive reinforcement train
[31:00] Small shifts create massive changes
[32:50] Building trust in yourself
[33:40] The Art of Charm “AOC” podcast
[34:30] The power of modeling the masters
[35:00] The initial focus on dating and relationships evolved into examining human behavior
[36:00] Several valuable lessons Jordan has learned from his guests
[38:00] The most rewarding parts of AOC
[39:00] What’s next on the AOC podcast – elevator pitches, influence and persuasion, surrounding yourself with the right people
[39:25] Elevating your inner circle
[41:50] The popularity of podcasts
[42:10] Leveraging podcasts to strengthen your business
[46:00] Why most businesses should not have a podcast
[48:15] The importance of tying in quality and high performance into your business
[50:30] Negative branding
[51:30] Generating leads from a podcast
[52:30] Running commercials through podcasts
[53:15] Companies that do not get ROI on podcast commercials
Fall in love with your client – By putting your clients’ needs first, you can establish a working relationship that is mutually beneficial.
How to make instant connections – Rapport, the extraordinary tool we use to consciously and unconsciously form personal connections, is one of the most powerful skills you can learn.
The power of deep listening – Deep listening is a transformative communication tool that is a key step in developing rapport and building a relationship.