Build a relationship based on trust
Healthy intimate relationships are one of the biggest joys in life, bringing companionship, laughter and passion into both partners’ lives. When your relationship is based on trust, it serves as a lifeboat, anchor and sail that keeps you afloat, secure and filled with purpose. When jealousy corrodes the trust and respect in your partnership, the relationship becomes a weight that hinders personal progress.
Understanding how to stop being jealous in a relationship is a prerequisite for a healthy union. No matter what baggage the other person brings to the table, you can work on yourself to tame jealousy and create a meaningful partnership.
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Understanding how to stop being jealous in a relationship
How does jealousy impact romantic relationships? It goes against the 5 Disciplines of Love – universal principles for building a trusting, healthy union. The discipline of unconditional love and compassion becomes impossible to sustain, since jealousy impairs your ability to love without barriers. It’s also impossible to be truly vulnerable when jealousy is an issue, since jealousy creates tension in the relationship. Envy clouds discernment, and it becomes hard to tell the truth from mere suspicions.
You can’t give your partner the freedom to live life when you’re jealous, nor can you truly feel free to live your own life when you’re dealing with a jealous partner. Jealousy can creep into all areas of your life, making it hard to enjoy anything. When jealousy is given full sway in a partnership, neither party thrives.
How to stop being a jealous girlfriend or boyfriend
Your partnership will suffer if you let jealousy go unchecked. Understanding how to stop being a jealous girlfriend or boyfriend requires being honest with yourself and your partner. Get to the bottom of your jealousy and create a healthier relationship dynamic.
1. Be honest about jealousy’s impact.
It’s impossible to solve a problem if you refuse to acknowledge it. Rather than pretending you aren’t jealous or your jealousy isn’t a problem, be honest. How do you feel because of your insecurities, and how are they hurting your relationship? It might be difficult to acknowledge the problems your envy is causing, but take heart in the fact that you’re taking the first step to a healthier relationship.
2. Ask what your jealousy is telling you.
Psychology Today provides a family therapist’s view on how to stop being jealous in a relationship: Rather than view jealousy as a problem, look at your jealousy as a solution. Jealousy (or any other relationship issue) is a window of opportunity we can peer through to gain clarity. Instead of shutting down the jealous behavior outright, seek to understand the behavior first. What problem is the jealousy attempting to solve? If you’re feeling jealous because your partner broke your trust, it’s the breach of trust that’s the real problem. If you’re projecting your insecurities onto your partner, it’s your insecurities that need attention. If you’re jealous of your partner’s successes, perhaps there’s an unhealthy element of competition that needs to be eliminated. Whatever the cause, looking at jealousy as a “solution” and working backwards from there will help you get to the bottom of how to stop being jealous in a relationship. By getting to the real problem, you’re able to address it to find lasting relief.
3. List your insecurities.
Mastering how to stop being a jealous boyfriend or girlfriend starts with looking at yourself. What insecurities are driving your jealousy? Are you unsure of yourself due to perfectionism? Are you comparing yourself to others? You’re not making this list to shame yourself – you’re owning your role in the relationship.
4. Cultivate self-confidence.
Once you’ve made a list of the insecurities driving your jealousy, write down an antidote to each one. If you’re living under the shadow of your partner’s ex, make a list of all the traits your partner loves about you. If you constantly compare yourself to celebrities, unfollow them on Instagram for a week. By giving yourself space from feelings of inferiority, you’ll be able to develop the self-confidence you need to overcome jealousy.
5. Consider the source of your insecurity.
Mastering how to stop being jealous in a relationship is often a matter of healing the wounds of the past. If you’re struggling with jealousy due to an unresolved issue like a childhood trauma or addiction, get the support you need to overcome it. With the right help, you can transform your struggles into sources of strength.
6. Be honest with your partner.
If you’re struggling with jealousy, your partner has probably already noticed. Your partner is most likely also contributing to the problem. By practicing effective communication, you’re acknowledging your contribution while also holding your partner accountable – and giving them the opportunity to support you as you work toward a solution.
7. Build healthy coping skills.
Sometimes, it can be hard to let go of jealousy in a relationship if you don’t have healthier ways to relate. Provided your partner isn’t giving you a reason to be suspicious or jealous (ie. by cheating on you or habitually lying), it’s up to you to tame the source of your jealousy. Recognize that you don’t need jealousy – you’re just used to it. Practice self-care and nurture your physical, emotional and mental health. When you prioritize healthy coping mechanisms, they become the norm and eventually replace jealousy.
Want to overcome your jealousy?
Overcome your unwanted jealousy by utilizing Tony Robbins’ Ultimate Relationship Guide.