Team Tony cultivates, curates and shares Tony Robbins’ stories and core principles, to help others achieve an extraordinary life.
5 ways to rekindle a relationship
Have you ever started or stoked up a fire? You use kindling. And the smallest spark can eventually become a roaring blaze. Once the fire has reached its full potential, you maintain it and it stays strong — or you neglect it and it dies out.
If you want to add passion back into your relationship, whether it’s a recent romance or a long-term relationship, you need some emotional kindling. Over time, taking these small steps in your relationship can lead to massive changes, and can even help you learn how to fix a broken relationship.
1. Use your relationship polarity to your advantage
Having things in common with your partner is wonderful, but it’s true that opposites attract. Think back to when you first met your significant other. Remember your own natural energy and confidence and nurture it; your partner was and is attracted to you in your natural state. Your natural energy and your partner’s energy work together to create your relationship’s chemistry. When working together in a natural, balanced way, neither of you need to suppress your true self, and you can be happy together as you are.
2. Be physical to help intimacy grow
When times are tough and you’re looking for ways to create a rekindled love, many of us have trouble being physical with our partner. This is especially true when sex is a contentious issue in the relationship. If you find yourself being less physical with your partner to punish them, avoid sex or for any other reason, address that immediately.
Affectionate physical contact, whether sexual or not, gives you the natural high your body’s hormones produce and can help you understand how to rekindle a relationship. Remember to touch your partner, as this will help you to redevelop the closeness between you. Give the one you love a reassuring caress, a hug or just a squeeze of the hand that says, “I’m still here and I’m not going anywhere.”
3. Innovate and give the relationship your best effort
When you and your partner were just starting out, you wanted to show the very best side of yourself to each other. You consistently thought about ways to make your partner feel special, be it leaving them love notes or planning extravagant dates for one another. When did that stop?
It’s easy to fall into comfortable habits in relationships and stop putting forth as much conscious effort, but resist taking the easy way out in your love life. Consider the fact that the success of your relationship works the exact same way as the success of your initial courtship. Remember what you did to win your partner over. Understand that your connection will continue to strengthen and deepen if you innovate and make extraordinary efforts.
4. Use your voice as a powerful tool for building intimacy
As much as physical touching and thoughtfulness are key during a relationship, so are your words. Your words have incredible power. They can build your partner and your relationship up, or tear them both down. In many painful settings there is no “right thing” to say; you just need to be genuine.
Use heartfelt words when communicating with your partner – whether it’s about your trip to the grocery store or resolving a personal conflict. Remember to say things like “I love you” “thank you,” and “I miss you.” Said with genuine emotion, these little things make tough times easier between you and your partner, which allows you to understand how to rekindle love and build trust.
5. Defuse conflict with fun
Never avoid conflict just because you’re afraid to work through those issues at hand. Instead, address the problem before it gets out of control — but find a way to make it fun instead of taxing. When you were in high school you probably felt the world was about to end more than once. But as an adult, with age and experience on your side, you probably look back and laugh at your “insurmountable” problems.
When you find yourself descending into a fight with your partner, fast forward to the laughing part. Don’t avoid the issue, clothe it with humor. Try getting angry about the problem while doing a ridiculous dance. Once you start laughing — and you will — you can learn to connect your partner to happier emotions even when there’s a conflict between the two of you.