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The power of forgiveness
Drs. Gerald Jampolsky & Diane Cirincione on love, healing and letting go
In this special mini-season, we are unlocking the vaults to bring you exclusive, in-depth conversations between Tony and four truly outstanding achievers and impressive innovators. These dynamic individuals are not just experts in their respective fields – they are pioneers.
They are charting new territory and breaking new ground. And their insights, ideas and drive are shaping the world.
In this episode, you will hear an invigorating discussion between Tony and Dr. Gerald Jampolsky and Dr. Diane Cirincione as they delve into the power of forgiveness, letting go of fear, relinquishing control and finding true intimacy.
Who are Dr. Gerald Jampolsky and Dr. Diane Cirincione?
Dr. Gerald Jampolsky was a graduate of the Stanford University School of Medicine, a world-renowned child and adult psychologist and an authority on psychiatry, health, business and education. In 1975, he established the first Center for Attitudinal Healing in Marin County, California, where people of all ages, faiths and cultures have a welcoming space to find inner peace and well-being. It has grown to have branches in more than 30 countries. Gerald passed away in 2021 at the age of 95.
Dr. Diane Cirincione is a clinical psychologist with a master’s degree in counseling psychology and a doctorate in clinical psychology. She serves on several boards of trustees and boards of directors and is executive director of the nonprofit Attitudinal Healing International (AHI), which she and Gerald cofounded. She is an internationally renowned speaker and author on the subjects of stress, fear, grief and the power of forgiveness and has lectured in 61 countries.
Between the two of them, they published 16 books, including Love Is Letting Go of Fear, Teach Only Love and Goodbye to Guilt. They have received a number of international humanitarian awards, including one of the American Medical Association’s highest honors, the Excellence in Medicine Pride in the Profession Award, for their contribution of attitudinal healing to the mental health field, for being inspirations to others and for decades of humanitarian service. They also traveled the world, helping others find peace in their hearts and minds through love and forgiveness.
Healing old wounds
Gerald and Diane discuss the importance of healing old wounds as a way to forgive when trust has been betrayed. If these wounds are not addressed, we get caught up in a cycle of negative thought and behavior patterns that perpetuate a cycle that is difficult to break. When we focus on healing the wound at its source, we can break these patterns and create healthier ones based on empathy and gratitude.
Gerald and Diane know about this topic firsthand. When they met, both were once-divorced, and, Diane says, “There was a lot of healing that had to happen.” The old models didn’t work anymore. They had to look at relationships in a new way. Overcome their fears, embrace uncertainty and examine their pain and trauma. Look at their unhealed relationships and heal them once and for all. And ultimately, they had to forgive.
Being in charge of your emotions
What is the power of forgiveness? It means you are able to let go of the past and move forward in a healthier manner. Diane discusses the reason that so many people have difficulty letting go is due to not realizing that past traumatic events are no longer happening to them. They continue to feel like a victim because they cannot change the past. She believes, just as Tony does, that we need to be the master of our emotions to forgive and develop intimacy. When we realize that our thoughts, actions, perceptions and judgments are all that remain of past trauma, we can change those and be in charge of our healing.
Diane says someone once told her, “Forgiveness is giving up all hopes for a better past.” Your past is not going to change – no matter how much grief you have over it. What you can change are your thoughts, attitudes, judgments and perceptions about that experience. You can stop feeling like a victim and start understanding that your past is not your future. You can forgive anyone, because you are in charge of your own life.
Loving responses and cries for help
One of the most impactful messages Tony took from Diane and Gerald’s books was that all responses are either based on love or fear. Even when it looks like rage or an attack, it’s a cry for help. When we see that our partners are fearful when they negatively react to a situation, we can be gentle with them instead of judging them or reacting with our fear-based response.
The three magic words aren’t “I love you,” they are “Please help me.” You can avoid arguments by asking: are you in a place where you can help me, and listen? Use “I” statements instead of “you.” And don’t push too hard. Gerald reminds us that our purpose in life is to love, forgive and be of service to others.
As Diane says, “It’s your mind, and if you change your mind you really can change your life.” Listen to the podcast for more on the healing power of forgiveness and love, overcoming our own egos and how to find peace in your life and relationships. Then, listen to part two of their episode on the Tony Robbins podcast.
Dr. Gerald Jampolsky & Dr. Diane Cirincione SHOW NOTES
[3:00] A background of pain and a moment of awakening
[8:15] Shedding old models
[9:15] Healing old wounds
[9:45] The impact of the ego
[12:00] The vulnerability of a child closes
[13:20] Control vs. love
[14:30] Letting go of pain and finding forgiveness
[17:00] Why we don’t forgive
[18:30] How to transform a past event
[21:00] Their most important belief systems
[25:00] Taking responsibility for your own thoughts and emotions
[26:00] The power of listening
[27:55] Loving responses or cries for help
[30:00] Helping others to let go
[33:30] Responding with love
[36:00] Forgiving your religious training