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How to find peace of mind
Drs. Gerald Jampolsky and Diane Cirincione on living life in gratitude and harmony
Letting go of the past and forgiving are difficult for many of us, especially when our trust has been betrayed. In the two-part podcast featuring award-winning psychologists and authors Dr. Gerald Jampolsky and his partner, Dr. Diane Cirincione, Tony and his guests talk about being the master of your own emotions, understanding that all responses are based on love or fear and how forgiveness is the biggest gift we can give another person.
If you missed it, listen to part one of the podcast to learn how to heal old wounds, let go of the past and be gentle with your partner. In part two, they discuss how our past experiences affect our current belief systems – and how to find peace of mind and happiness by shifting our focus so that we can wake up to the gifts of life and experience love, gratitude and harmony.
Changing our belief systems
Forgiveness and guilt go hand in hand, and Diane discusses how guilt is the result of clinging to an old belief system. These belief systems served us at one point, but if we continue to hold onto them, they lead to limiting beliefs that prevent us from letting go and moving on. When we see that our old systems no longer have value, it’s easier to change them and develop healthier beliefs that empower us.
Diane shares an impactful realization that changed how she thought and behaved. Instead of having multiple goals, she focused on one goal: to have peace of mind. Every other goal turned into an intention. This allowed her to avoid dangerous expectations and no longer get attached to the outcomes of situations. When you learn to embrace uncertainty in the moment with the sole purpose of being at peace with it, it transforms your life. “I’m no longer living in the ultimate outcome and missing the everyday experience of living,” Diane says.
Perception vs. reality
To change your beliefs, you need to recognize that perception and reality are the same thing. Diane explains that the way we see the world is a perception that is distorted by our past experiences. We have lenses on the camera of our mind that have filters on them. All the loving and healed relationships are clear filters, but all the negative experiences and unhealed relationships are blurred and distorted.
Everything we experience is filtered through these screens. We’re the only person who experiences life the way we do. We’re the only person who sees things exactly the way we do. Understanding this helps us understand not only ourselves, but also others. Diane says, “I don’t have to make them wrong in order to make me right. I just know that we’re different.”
The greatest gift we can give
Understanding that our beliefs create our world can help us let go of the past – and that can help us forgive others. The greatest gift we can give others, according to Diane, is to not see the shadow of the past in them. When we see them for who they are at the present moment, we can share our unconditional love and stay connected to them as we go through life changes and transformations. It’s impossible to forgive when we still see our loved one’s past mistakes and betrayals every time we look at them. When we release that shadow, we can embrace a new beginning.
We must also forgive ourselves. We must understand and embrace our pain and the lessons it teaches us that have made us who we are. When you have gratitude for even the toughest times, you can finally forgive yourself. As Diane says, “As you reach your hand out into the darkness to help another hand into the light, you discover that it’s your own.”
Seeing yourself as a mirror
The secret to living is giving, and when you love yourself, it makes it possible to love and give to others. Gerald suggests that we see ourselves as a mirror. What we think of ourselves is reflected in others and if you become angry or upset with someone, it’s likely due to an aspect of ourselves we struggle with. Constantly ask yourself how you can be helpful to others and, when you’re triggered by someone else’s actions, turn the light back on yourself to see what you need to work on.
When you focus on how you can give back to others, you can live in the moment, without fear. Listen to the podcast to learn a set of concrete actions you can take over the next seven days that will help you bring your thoughts, words and actions into harmony and finally find peace of mind and happiness.
Dr. Gerald Jampolsky & Dr. Diane Cirincione Show Notes
[1:58] Strategies to enhance what is valuable in your life
[4:50] When goals become intentions
[6:00] Negative experiences create negative filters
[8:00] Living within your ideal values
[11:30] Finding peace of mind
[13:00] Physical healing
[15:45] The biggest gift we can give a person
[17:00] Letting go of fear by helping another
[19:20] Beliefs or actions you can take starting now
[24:00] The intention of not judging other people
[25:00] Asking yourself how you can be helpful to another person
[25:40] The courage to have true harmony in your life
[26:20] The most important lesson they have learned
[28:50] How they would like to be remembered