Overcome your relationship insecurities

dealing with relationship insecurities

Your partner is fishing for compliments. They’re asking you where you’re going, even though they know the answer. They’re badgering you for extra attention although you spent the entire day with them. Your spouse repeatedly asks you about your spending time with a coworker who’s just a friend. When these things are happening repeatedly, it’s because your partner is feeling insecure.

Many people feel insecure in their relationships, even if they are loved unconditionally by their partner. Whether you’re in a relatively new relationship or a decades-long marriage, here’s how to ward off romantic insecurities.

What causes insecurity in a relationship?

If your partner feels insecure, it’s because they haven’t dealt with whatever is putting them in a negative state. This could be that their needs aren’t being met by your relationship, or it could have to do with something outside your union, like their own lack of self-confidence or fear of the unknown.

insecure in a relationship

How to overcome romantic insecurity

what causes insecurity in a relationship

The best thing you can do is effectively communicate with your partner. How does your partner communicate? What’s their communication style? You can talk things over repeatedly, but unless you’re truly connecting with your partner on their level, it will be challenging to resolve lingering issues.

The good news is, you and your partner can work to overcome romantic insecurities. It will take time, effective communication and the desire to improve your relationship, but it can be done. Here’s how to work to overcome romantic insecurities.

Meet each other’s needs

There are six basic human needs that affect every single person on the planet. We all strive to feel certain that we can avoid pain and gain pleasure; we crave variety in life; we want to feel significant; connection to others is essential and growth and contribution help us find fulfillment. Each person ranks these needs in a different way, so which one is most important to your partner? Is your relationship helping to fulfill their needs? If not, how can you change your habits so your partner feels more loved and supported?

how to overcome insecurity in a relationship

Balance your polarity

couple dealing with insecurity in relationship

In every relationship there is one partner with a masculine energy and another with feminine energy. These energies don’t have to align with genders, but opposing forces need to be present in order to find romantic harmony. This concept is called polarity. Have you and your partner created an unbalanced relationship? If both partners take on masculine or feminine traits, it can cause insecurities to arise. Look at how your roles have changed over time. How can you restore polarity and banish insecurity?

Act like you’re a new couple

When you start dating someone new, the energy is electrifying. You want to learn everything about your partner and be physically close to them whenever possible. Over time, this spark fades. As you become better acquainted with your partner, the fireworks you first felt start to fizzle. You become comfortable in your habits and stop trying to impress. Insecurities can surface when your partner feels that you’re no longer making an effort or that your attraction is fading. Bring back the passion in your relationship and act like you did when you started dating. Compliment your partner. Plan surprising dates. Write them love notes. These small acts can help to squash insecurities and help your partner feel wanted.

how to fix insecurity in relationship

Create new stories

dealing with insecurity in relationships

Mistakes are made in even the happiest relationships, but sustainable relationships are able to leave those mistakes in the past. What are you and your partner dealing with? No matter if you’ve previously fought over finances or flirtations, if you’re deciding to move forward as a couple then it’s time to leave those old stories behind. Instead of insisting that your partner always does something that irritates you, try shifting your mindset. Accept your partner for who they are and decide to create a beautiful new story together instead of reliving past pain.

Insecurities are bound to surface from time to time in even the most stable relationships. You can’t control your partner’s emotions, but you can be the most supportive, loving version of yourself possible.  

Create the stable and supportive relationship you deserve

Discover ways to tackle the obstacles, including feelings of insecurity, in your relationship with the help of Tony Robbins’ digital Relationship Guide.