How to be confident in a relationship

If you have a pattern of feeling insecure in relationships, it can be tempting to blame it on your partner or on your past experiences. When your trust has been betrayed in the past or you were raised in an environment that encouraged insecurity and distrust, it can be difficult to learn how to be confident in a relationship. But in order to truly build confidence, you must take responsibility for your own actions. You decide the meaning you assign to your experiences. You control your own emotions. And with these 9  tips, you can work on how to be more confident in a relationship.

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1. Know your worth 

The number-one strategy for how to gain confidence in a relationship, at work or in any other situation, is to first build confidence in yourself. When you practice self-love and believe in yourself, you know that you deserve a healthy relationship – and that even if your relationship fails, you are worthy, you are strong and you will bounce back stronger than ever.

2. Take care of yourself 

To love yourself, you must be the best version of yourself. Embrace your strengths and work on your weaknesses. Exercise daily – even if it’s just a walk around the block. Eat healthy so you have the energy and vitality you need to give your all to your relationship. Embrace positive habits like yoga, meditation or journaling, and take the time to do things you enjoy. A happier you equals a happier relationship.

3. Identify your needs

We all share Six Human Needs that shape every decision we make: certainty, significance, variety, love/connection, growth and contribution. When these needs are met, it leaves us feeling as if our partners don’t care about us. It can be difficult to ask for what you need, especially if you’re wondering how to be more confident in a new relationship, but discovering your top need and ensuring it’s fulfilled is essential.

how to be more confident in a new relationship

how to be confident in a relationship

4. Overcome limiting beliefs

It’s impossible to become the best version of yourself if your beliefs about who you are hold you back. Limiting beliefs often affect relationships: You may believe you don’t deserve love, or that you’ll never find a relationship in which you feel secure. You may believe that all men or women are untrustworthy. You must identify and overcome these beliefs if you hope to master how to be confident in a relationship.

5. Release your expectations

Much of our heartache in life isn’t actually caused by other people – it’s caused by our expectations of other people. When they don’t act a certain way or do what we want them to do, we feel frustrated and alone. But when we trade our expectations for appreciation and learn to be grateful for everything our partner does bring to the table, we feel more confident in the relationship.

6. Let go of the past

Your past experiences are lessons that shape you, but they don’t have to become your entire story. Your past is not your future unless you live there – so don’t get too comfortable. Let go of the past, even if you’ve had partners let you down. Even if you’ve experienced massive loss and heartbreak. The only way to learn how to be more confident in a new relationship is to truly let go of your old ones.

7. Be present

You’ll never know how to be more confident in a relationship if you’re always thinking about the past or worrying about the future. The past is a memory, and the future only lives in our imaginations. The real moment is the present, so why not enjoy it? Give yourself the gift of presence, and you’ll understand that no matter what happens to your relationship in the future, you can still enjoy right now.

be present and confident in a relationship

8. Have fun 

Passion is one key to an extraordinary relationship – but you also need intimacy, which is emotional closeness, communication and friendship. Shared experiences help build this aspect of a relationship, especially those that make you leave your comfort zone. You’ll discover that you can always rely on your partner to have your back, and that’s a big confidence booster.

9. Practice honesty 

If you get jealous in relationships, it’s likely because you feel your partner isn’t being honest with you. Having a policy of total openness and honesty – including letting them know about your own issues with how to be confident in a relationship – will help build intimacy and trust. Be honest with yourself as well: If you see genuine red flags, don’t ignore them.

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